Rescue the amazing person I used to be

how much further am i going to let myself fall? I feel like I need a brand new start. no better time than the present.. :)

i dont know what the heck is going on. all i know is i woke up this morning feeling really depressed. i havent felt like this since my mother died..although this is not quite to the extent of that. i have just been crying all morning..and that is unlike me. i feel like pretty much i have no friends..i have pushed people away..not on purpose..and i feel like i have made alot of enemies. i feel like certain people are nice to me but talk alot of shit behind my back. i confide in people and they tell others. although..if we are being honest..im not so good with that myself. i want to be more loyal. i dont want people to say behind my back that im someone who talks bad about people. idk whats wrong with me..in trying to be more confident..ive turned into a bitch. i really am not the person i am coming across as. i really dont hate people so much or think i need to put them down. and im really not a bitch..i am really a nice person..and i love to smile and laugh and have fun. but lately people have been just avoiding me..or so it seems like. i hang out with no one..besides my boyfriend and my roommate. i used to be the girl with so many plans and so many friends. i dont know what has happened. im also feeling so discontent with life. i dont want to be here anymore. i want to be traveling..or having an adventure..but im not..im here finishing up my overrated college experience..1 more semester after this..i have to keep telling myself this.

its not really about rescuing my past self..but rather becoming something new..a new amazing self..one thats different from the old self..because progress is good..stagnation is not. why would i want to be the same old person i was? perhaps id prefer some of the qualities that i used to have..but now i can certainly work towards that with a whole new attitude as to why i care to have these qualities in myself. things have happened. i am different. but it doesnt mean that i am worse off and i need to be what i once was. id like progress..

you’d agree?