Keep in closer contact with friends (regularly)

went out with my 2 best friends for dinner..made plans to go out tomorrow! I have been such a recluse lately..so this is good!

ive been pretty much sucking at this goal..however..my friend who recently moved to Cali came for the weekend..and I made it a point to be keeping in touch with him while he has been gone..and I also made it a point to hang out with him this weekend! It was so nice to see him!

this is going to be very important this year. I’m commuting from home as this is my last semester of college. it’s a bit lonely. all my friends have either graduated, a few still live near school, and i haven’t spoken to anyone from home in the past four years basically. i feel like i really need to make an effort to hang out with people..or else it will be very lonely this semester. i hang out with my boyfriend and all the guys at his apartment like 3 times a week..but really i need some girl friends..or at least people who would talk intelligently rather than play video games all the time..(haha i love these guys that he is friends with but really..i have nothing in common with them)

im going to spend some time with some friends tonight that i never really hang out with.

i am absolutely awful with this.
honestly.
my friend emailed me like 2 weeks ago.
and i still havent emailed her back.
this is a girl that i have had a strained relationship with and she def. is making an effort.
i dont get what my problem is.
i think most the time when i dont want to email/talk on the phone with/meet up with a friend its because i dont feel like doing it at that time so then i never do.
its bad.
any advice?

ugh i dont know where else to put this entry.
it pertains to friends.
i just don’t know what is going on.
i have been so upset because i have been feeling like my roommate hates me and i just get so upset about it because i am that type of person. and then i found out all these really awful things she has said about me and i spent all day crying yesterday. i hate this! we are in college not in high school..i dont get why she cant talk to me about these stupid petty things that bother her. she takes everything i say the absolute wrong way..just twisting in her mind and making it a HUGE deal. so then..she seemed upset..so i asked her if she was ok..and she was like..no..i feel like you hate me! in my head i was like are you kidding me! you are so rude to me all the time. but then i was like..well ok..if we are both thinking the same thing..then theres a problem that we need to fix..so i really want to work on keeping in constant communication about things with her and make an extra effort to spend time with her so that she doesnt think that i hate her. one of her things was like all i do is homework..i was like..umm well i do have 22 credits..i have to be doing homework..thats all i ever do..and im not happy about it..so i dont think its fair that thats held against me. i just feel so betrayed because she told so many people that were close to me about the “problems” between us..so it makes me look like this awful person when i really didnt do anything..and she even admitted that when we talked last night. its just going to be so hard to be the better person in this situation. i feel hurt and like my name has been tarnished because of what she tells other people who dont even bother getting the whole story..because if they did..they would know how hurt i had been feeling. ughh. drama. i hate it.

ive sadly lost some good friends along this weird journey i have been going through since my mother died. i guess it was the grieving process and i just pushed people away. one amazing person in particular. i saw him the other day at a soccer game and we shared the niceities that one shares with a mere acquaintance. it felt awful. i cried so hard later on..realizing that i lost him as an amazing friend and encourager. i dont want to lose any more of those people. and i also want to try and rebuild that friendship..if at all possible..but i dont know how..