be more positive

I might as well change the name on my birth certificate to Debbie Downer. Seriously, I need to be more positive. I may not have a job. I may be broke. I may feel bored and not able to do all the things I want. BUT at least I am alive and have many blessings in my life.

what a good time to become more positive..

yay for starting classes tomorrow?
haha. im still working on being positive about being back.

this overwhelming blanket of sadness has just run a muck through my entire body and is just sitting there in the depths of my soul. I can feel it. i really can just feel it there. i am having a hard time staying positive when i feel as though I am just so sad..about what in particular i dont know…I have cried probably about 20 times in the past 2 days..which is not typical of me at all. Things with my boyfriend seem disastrous, i have spent too many lonely nights in my big empty house, i cant trust certain people, certain people have hurt me more than they know, i feel attacked, i feel frumpy, beaten down, not good enough to get an internship, and just all in all defeated. its horrible. i know this sounds dramatic. its not me. i dont know where its coming from. i just dont. and most of all..i just miss my mom. i feel as though i am never going to come to terms with her death. never.

I think today was pretty good!
I felt like I was being more positive about things in general.
well minus how much schoolwork i have to do.
i felt like i was smiling more and laughing more.
and i wasnt getting as annoyed with my boyfriend and we were getting along so much better! i have to wonder if maybe some of the fighting between us was a direct result of my recent negativity towards everything these past few weeks.

i have been SO negative. about everything really.

main things:
-people( i always assume that they dont like me and even worse i have been so negative towards those im not fond of or that i dont know really well..which is SO unlike me)
-school
-life after school(finding an internship; etc)
- i have been so negative towards my boyfriend.
really just everything. nothing seems to be the way i want it. nothing is good enough for me.

its so weird..i dont ever recall being this negative. so..im going to make a conscious effort to be more positive about things. any suggestions? i’ve been thinking that perhaps i should be listing things i am thankful for or things that make me happy.