Be a better friend

Tonight a friend phoned – I guess she wanted to talk to me about the issues going on in her life.

I did listen and just chatted really – a two way “natural” exchange of news.

I was relaxed and open. Then I think I put my foot in my mouth by expressing political views I knew she would disagree with but thought I could speak my mind you know – I used to think i could say anything to her a long time ago and maybe thought I could do this again. She went all quiet and I knew she disagreed with me but did not want to discuss! lol

I laughingly said” i think I can vote XXX and not be a BAD person” lolol and there was a stoney silence.

Now I know i can vote tactically and still live with myself. So why did she do this to me?

Ah well, what I have learned over the years is that as much as i try to understand others there is no use seeking understanding.

Very few people – probably two, maybe one – understand me or seek to understand me with compassion. My job in life is to understand others and forget the other way.

I sound bitter but it is not bitterness talking just acceptance.

I would love understanding but the frustration that comes with seeking this is just not worth it.

I can understand others to a point, not fully. I hope not to be judgemental and superior in this – this is hard! lol

What I wish most in life is for others to understand me. I wonder if that is what everyone else wants too? Though some people, my friend on the phone tonight for one, don’t really seem to care for understanding either way.

Being a good friend is pretty tough at times.

found via 09gscolini here on 43things -

http://www.43things.com/person/09gscolini.

“A wise man remembers his friends at all times; a fool, only when he has need of them.” Turkish Proverb

“To be a friend means encouraging strengths in others and accepting their weaknesses; in other words, accepting them for who they are. A friend encourages us when we doubt ourselves. They can sometimes see what we can not. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “A true friend is somebody who can make us do what we can.”

“A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith;
sees your anxieties but frees your spirit;
recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.” William Arthur Ward

I’m not doing too well at this goal.

An Acquaintance: is concerned about their own welfare
A friend: is always interested in your well-being.

make some phone calls tomorrow night. It’s it vital that even though things at home here are not exactly wonderful I still give time for my friends. Got a phone message from one of them tonight and she sounds terrible. I will make sure I contact her tomorrow night.

It’s been so long since i spoke to her. I felt so bad about this but tried to explain what had been going on here that had got in the way. I hope she understood.

I promise that I will keep in better touch with my friends no matter what is going on. Today i will write to people and send lovely cards.

An Acquaintance: remains at arms length
A friend: is like your own arm.

An Acquaintance: remains at arms length
A friend: is like your own arm.

An Acquaintance: frequently has an agenda
A friend: is incapable of deception.

An Acquaintance: often speaks of love
A friend: understands and gives love unconditionally.

An Acquaintance: tells of their own endeavours
A friend: asks about your accomplishments.

An Acquaintance: is concerned about their own welfare
A friend: is always interested in your well-being.

An Acquaintance: does not know your heart
A friend: Is your heart and is therefore always within it.

An Acquaintance: Disapears in times of need
A friend: is always there to love and empower you.

An Acquaintance: is often self-centered
A friend: is self-less.

An Acquaintance: sometimes wavers on principle
A friend: never compromises principles or integrity.

An Acquaintance: wears many faces
A friend: never hides behind a mask.

An Acquaintance: Forms many casual relationships
A friend: remains a friend forever –
One of the rarest gifts ever given or received.

By Andrina Legon

http://www.oneloveandrina.com/acquaintanceorfriend.html

“Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

I am thinking about what it means to be a friend to others. Stop worrying about the effect you are having on others or if they like you or not….blah blah blah.

Today I read something that will really help with this goal which is why I have changed it from “make friends” to “be a friend”.

I try again and again but never seem to succeed. I really do not think I am likeable or even very sane! lol

I find myself talking to people and they are looking at me like…..what is she on about?....I know it’s probably not what they are thinking – I go mindreading again – but off i go on a big downer on myself and my ability to make friends.

I do think I have managed to stop thinking about making friends so much when I am with people and that has helped me to be more in the moment with them.

Online, real life, whatever….I am doomed to be a mere aquaintance and not a friend!

that many of the people with the same goal “make new friends” were much much younger than me. I started to feel a bit SAD as I am so much older and yet I do not seem to have mastered this skill of making friends which has been something I have been aware of being a “bit rubbish” at since I was 16 or so.

So i decided to change my goal but still keep the essence of it. I wonder if I know what it means to be a friend. I may think i do but something stops me…luckily my son does not seem to have picked this up from me. A doctor said once that I have social anxiety so i clutch at that rather than think I am just a boring person not able to make friends!! lol

I used to think I trusted blindly now I think I cannot trust. I wonder what the problem really is?