Lose 40 lbs

Feeling comfortable in my skin again
Fitting into the cute tight tank tops that the other teachers wear
Taking a swim class without being embarrassed in front of my students about how I look in a swimsuit
Fitting into my BRAS again (it’d be nice to fit in my jeans, too)
Buying some juniors-sized t-shirts from David & Goliath
Buying another Bare Escentuals makeup set (Sephora shopping is restricted til I get back down to my old weight)

I had a real “cheat” day yesterday, complete with movie popcorn, chocolate turtles, and wine! The scale still isn’t budging, of course, but the weight training is already making me feel better. I’m back on track w/ food today too, very healthy. And spent 2 hrs at the gym: one class, one hour cardio & weights.

Well, I actually had lost 40 before, went from 205 down to 165. At my lowest (last yr, right before Christmas) I got down to 158 and was feeling really fit and good. All my clothes were loose!

Through the springtime it crept up a bit, but between 160 and 165 I was still feeling good and strong and healthy.

Then in summer I went off my birth control to try and get pregnant. Didn’t work. My doctor said I had to go back on until I could actively try all the time (I have severe endometriosis, and my husband is out of town for work most of the time). Went on and off the BC one more time, and proceeded to gain 15 lbs almost instantly. Then my sister in law and a good friend both got pregnant without even trying, and my husband got sent away to another job assignment for endless months, so I ate and drank everything in sight and drove my weight back up to 180!! The holidays didn’t help – delicious food and drinks were everywhere.

So, hubby and I decided that the pregnancy thing was just too hard at this point in our lives so we’re setting that aside and I have to get healthy again. This is just embarrassing – I teach Pilates & Yoga at a really nice health club and I’m fatter than all of my students!! I’m still pretty strong, so if people decide to stay and take a class with a fat teacher, they still work their asses off. Still, I should set a better example.

I told myself I cannot buy any more cool t-shirts, nor Victoria’s Secret pajamas, nor any shopping from Sephora until I can at least get back into my old clothes (the 160-165 range). Those are my weaknesses! But no more new stuff until the old stuff looks decent again. I’d love to lose more and be really fit like my friends and fellow teachers at the club, so this time maybe I can keep it going once I get back down to where I was.

I peeled off a quick 3 lbs right after New Yrs, but I’m sure that was mostly bloat from “celebrating” too much. For the last week I’ve been staying an extra hour to work out after I teach (3 times last week) and that will be easy to maintain. It’s great to be in that healthy environment, I love to hang out there. Right now I’m building up muscle so I know I won’t see a lot of loss on the scale right away, but it’s all good.

Also started cooking again, real healthy stuff. Got a new cookbook (Tosca Reno’s Eat Clean cookbook) and everything. Just getting back on track and it feels so good!

When I first met my husband, I was about 155, size 12, where I felt relatively comfortable. Then a medical crisis sent me up to about 210 lbs very quickly! It’s taken me years to slowly get back down to 170ish.

Now I just want to lose 30 more lbs, to get back down to the lowest weight I’ve ever been (140). I’ve been stuck around 170 for so long, but just lost 5 lbs on Jenny Craig. So, I guess I just have 25 left to get to my goal.

Some days I really wish this would all go faster! But having lost the last 40 lbs so slowly, I never put any of it back on so I know it’s gone for good. It may have been slow, but at least it was permanent.