have more free time

i’ve started taking one day around the middle of the month and doing everything on my todo lists. it can make that day rather painful, but seems to be a good way of clearing the slate for the coming weeks.

yesterday’s frog was a phone call to a friend with whom i’ve been practicing tai chi. i decided that i have other things i’d rather do with the time i was spending traveling to her house. i had told myself it was an opportunity to do some walking and get some reading done on the train, but as i thought about going and all the things that would be left undone at home, i decided to call off our weekly appointment.

i hated to disappoint her, but i still feel rushed, even on my offline days. before i know it, it’s bedtime, and even simple things like filing away books and papers and groceries haven’t been done. my “days off” should be full of more possibilities, and i’d like to wake from them the next day with all the chores done around the house and a cleaner and lighter load starting the workday. i need to keep chopping and chopping down my commitments until i really feel free to choose what i do next, with no guilt for anything left undone.

the phrase “like a kid in summer” keeps running through my mind. sometimes, i have too many projects and too much structure to my days. i need to have days when i wake and look around for what i want to do. i usually already know what’s going to happen the night before, and all the spontaneity’s gone.

i’d like sometimes to recapture that feeling of august as boy, when i’d go find my best friend, and we’d sit around and make a plan.

one part of what i need is more ruthlessness with my todos. if i could throw out 80% of my plans and cut my lists down to something i could really handle in a reasonable time, there would be room for whatever comes next.