stop binge-eating

Well I’m trying this again. Today is my 12th day in a row without binging. My big goal is to make it to May 31st which would mark 35 days in a row and be a record for me but I’m trying to take it day by day so that doesn’t seem so overwhelming. I’m still feeling guilty and a little depressed about the 10 day binge prior to April 27th. I really don’t want to fall into that trap again tomorrow when I get paid. It’s much easier for me to avoid binging when I can’t afford the junk food. To ensure that I don’t binge tomorrow night I’m going to either make definite plans with my friend or call another friend if that goes through. If I end up alone on Friday I’m going to deal with that by watching my favorite tv show, consciously enjoying one snack and going to bed early. I don’t have any other junk food in my house luckily; I refuse to set myself for failure by doing that. Time seems to slow down a lot when I’m not binging regularly. Binges are really hard to hold back so it feels like I have not binged in months when it has only been 12 days. But I’m still happy and proud about those 12 days.

Had a pretty bad binge Sunday night full of junk food. It’s always triggered by overeating just a tiny bit. I just ate a tiny bit too much green curry and pad thai and it was all over for me. I hate how I eat in such extreme ways, either perfectly healthy(but I never starve myself) or totally binging on junk food. I can say to myself, that I’m ok with having a treat, but when I actually have that treat it will trigger a binge. I am going to attempt to eat more slowly and really think about and appreciate the food I’m eating while I’m eating it. I’ll just try to eat mindfully and try to think about it and stop myself before I start binging. And know that I can start over the next minute eating healthy after I binge. It’s just so hard to stop myself when I start binging. How can I slow myself down enough to think about it? I do great at not binging on weekdays usually, it’s weekends when my snacks and meals are less structured that I tend to fall apart. I would like to get through this upcoming weekend without binging, but it’s going to be very hard because I’m housesitting for my mother and I tend to binge on the junk food that she has around the house. Wish me luck!

I wanted to binge even more badly than yesterday but I managed to hold my nightime snack to a nectarine, a tootsie pop, and a string cheese. Not too bad. I was this close to driving to the convenience store but I resisted again. I need to be able to find a calm place in my mind so I can stop myself, even mid-binge. Sometimes it happens so quickly it feels like it can’t be stopped.

Last night I ate a small cookie, two small truffles, a few hersheys kisses, a peach and a string cheese but I was able to stop myself before launching into a full-scale, run to the convenience store as fast as I can type binge. I’m really excited. This also helps with my money saving goal.