yesterday was a really good day after a really shitty few days before. I had a load of work to do for friday for uni and was having a hard time getting it done and done well. Anyway i managed to produce something even if i still feel the quaility wasnt as good as sme others. Anyway we spent all afternoon waiting for each person to get their crit on a one to one basis. So everyone else was waiting out in the foyer area. At first i was just sitting by myself casue when i arrived there was no one else i knew. But then as the crit got underway everyone in the year was there and i was still on my own. I felt really lonely but not being the type to just strike up conversations with other i stayed where i was for a while. But i hate being like that and it makes me feel quite shit about myself so i just thought fuck it and moved. Went and found someone i knew and chatted for a bit with her. Went ok, but then she was called in no that long after and i was on my own again. Shit. So i ended up standing there for ages trying to look busy. But then as people were getting called in and leaving everyone seemed to move about and at one point this crowd moved right up next to me as if not even noticing or caring that i was standing nearby so again i thought “fuck it” and moved to someone who i’ve spoken to once before and as i walkd towardds her she smiled and waved so i felt better.
And thn when i came outo of my crit people were asking how it went and then i started chatting to someone else that i had never spoken to before and was actually able to hold a conversation! Like i feel these are really small things but its a bug deal for me cause im way too shy and want to be more comfortable around people. So i feel really happy that i actually managed to talk to folk where i was the one who started the conversation. Happy days!!
