stop drinking

Reading everyone’s entrys is a breath of fresh air and the sense of belonging (rather than the isolation drink can lead you to!) it has given me this week has been truly life-saving, I want to thank everyone here for even bothering to type, never mind speaking with true honesty and conviction. Small steps x PS Here’s to a fabulous week!

I googled ‘how to stop being a failure’ and this is where I ended up. Funny that. As soon as I achieve something in any aspect in life it seems the drinking starts to rear it’s head again and I am straight back at square one. I have just started (not even a fortnight ago) a new job that I am really enjoying and today I have called in sick because I drank myself into oblivion last night. I want control over my life. I went with a girl from work and pretty much coaxed her to stay out drinking in bars that I wouldn’t want to spend any time in if drink wasn’t involved. I can’t walk properly as I fell down a flight of steps, I have no idea how I got home, I have absolutely no money and borrowed at least 60pounds from the girl I was with. I have lost my phone, purse and I daren’t check my bag for other possibilities such as my ipod, etc. I drink so much that I black out and quite often now and including last night I become incontinent. I am a 25 year old young woman who takes pride in my hygiene and appearance and not even this has persuaded me to stop. The very worst effect of my selfish drinking has been how I have let the people in my life, especially my family, down completely. The guilt has to be pushed to one side of my mind or I could not begin to know where to start. I have had beautiful relationships, the chance of university degrees, good careers, my own car, my own places to live, money, etc, etc and now I am back home with my parents and it looks like I am yet again going to try my hardest again to fail.