love in a way that makes me complete again.

Need I say more? I found someone, I’ve been dating for 5 months….We grow closer everyday and so far, it’s been great. Every relationship has it’s bumps…we’ve had one or two. But it’s a real, healthy, meaningful relationship. And it goes both ways. HOORAY for me! I love it! So, Color Me Happy.

I’m wondering if I should retitle this goal to say “Love, but first, find a way to be complete again.” It just seems to me that I can love, and love, but I still will not be complete until I fulfill myself first. What I first intended this goal to mean was to find a love, so wonderful and magnificent, that my heart is filled and I feel complete. But upon reading it just now, I know I cannot accomplish this goal without first making myself complete and content with who I am.

I felt before, that I had done that. But I feel as though I’ve lost that somehow. Perhaps with the changes and termoil in my life now. I need to recenter and find my gravity again before I can even begin this goal.

Maybe, that is the problem in my most recent relationship. I am not confident and sturdy in who I am, so how can he depend on me not to change and move away from his heart? Just a thought. What do you think?

see goal entitled, “find a way to let Gorillaman know how I feel.”

How do I not feel sad when I see 2 people completely in love with each other? When they have found their 2nd half and are over the top with someone, why am I sad and hurt by that? It seems crazy. I try to be happy for them, but seeing it, makes me sad in a way. Seeing the looks given, seeing the love. I miss it sometimes. Just anyone, on the street, and you can tell they are so…..lost without the other. God Damn, i miss that. I miss having that one person…with whom you give everything to. You give all of yourself because you can’t help not to. You just dive in, no holding back, crack open my brain and take a peek around, type of love. Seems like a lifetime ago.

This one kind of goes with number 33. I think though, that through time, the trust I have for these people, will pull my heart through it. I’m not giving up on the big “L.” :-)

To my ex-husband with whom I share many memories, 2 beautiful children, and my heart, but I cannot share this. Happy 1st Un-Anniversary. Today would have been our 7th anniversary. I have had to write the date more times than I have wished. Each time it reminds me that it is our 1st un-anniversary. I hope someday we can come to an araingement which keeps us friends. I love you very much.

How do you continue through life. Looking for love, when you’ve already had your soulmate and you can no longer be together? I had him for 8 years, and even after 10 months apart, I still feel as in love with him as I was the day I married him. I feel as though I have no reason to continue to look for “the one” because I already had him. So what’s the point? No one will ever measure up to him and though after he left, he was a monster, he is the love of my life, and my soulmate.