go to church EVERY Sunday

Went to church again this morning! I got there late, as planned, and got my hot chocolate, then I saw my friend Kara! She had been to that church before, but not for awhile. I’m really glad she was there this morning because I really needed to be sitting by a friend. The pastor talked about how people had been hurt by the church, how we should reach out to our brothers and sisters in Christ, and how important corporate worship is. Well…those are of the things I have been talking to him about when explaining why I just didn’t want to go to church and I didn’t feel comfortable there. I’m sure other people had said similar things to him, but I felt like he was saying those things for my benefit and it brought tears to my eyes. You know that feeling when you realize you haven’t been breathing and your chest is really tight and you’re clinching your Bible and there are tears in your eyes? Yeah, that was my morning!!

I didn’t go to church this morning because I went home for the weekend (to celebrate family birthdays) and they don’t go to church and I had no clue where to go. So I didn’t go. Poo.

I went to church last Sunday when I got back to Stillwater. Several of the college kids were back. I sat in the backrow because I, of course, didn’t know anyone. No one sat by me, no one said hello, no one cared. It’s so hard to go to a place where no one wants to put in the effort to get to know you, but I feel like it’s the right place for me to go. Some friends have offered to go with me or have invited me to their churches but if I go with them I will use them as a crutch, and I need to do this on my own. I need a little help!!

It shouldn’t be so difficult to get up and go to church every Sunday. I want to go, I want to worship with my community, but it’s so hard to go to a place where people don’t show me the love of Christ. Sitting alone in the back row, being ignored doesn’t make church a good experience. But I think I’ve found a place I can go, where people want me to be, and I’m going to make myself go every Sunday because I’m going for GOD, not for those people!