beat social anxiety

I am improving with time. I’m still shy, but I’m so much better than I used to be. At work there is a new girl that sits beside me. She has been asking me questions and I enjoy helping her out. With the way I was before, I know I would completely freak out if she tried to talk to me, but now I like when she does it. I have even initiated small talk with her a couple of times. And yesterday I complimented another girl at work. She looked really good in the shirt she was wearing so I told her so.

I went to the bank and started a savings account today. Not something I would ever have done a couple of years ago because I was so ridiculously afraid of people.

Yep. I am getting better. :)

I can’t even give a reason, but I think I have gotten a little better with this in the past bit. I don’t know how or why, but I was just sitting here thinking. I know I am a little better than I was a few months ago. I still have a long way to go before I could mark this off, but I am doing better.

I think I could handle the world better if I were constantly drunk. I got drunk again over the weekend and while I wasn’t horribly talkative, I was still more outgoing than I generally am.

If I could talk as much as I do when I’m drunk, things would be so much easier. I wish I was that way.

And damn that makes me sound pathetic.

was a great day and the majority of it was spent around other people.

I played mini golf with the boyfriend, 3 of his guy friends, and then a bit later two other girls showed up. I was nervous and not sure if I wanted to go when the boyfriend asked, but he pushed me to and I’m really glad because I always have a good time out with his friends (I had only met two of the people prior). It was my very first time ever playing mini golf and I sucked and was embarrassed at first, but then just loosened up and had a good time. And the great thing about all of this is I actually talked. For my standards I was really talkative and on one hole played around with a little shoving match with one of the guys, which isn’t something I would normally do. ^{And got entirely sunburned in the process not realizing I was going to be out that long and it hurts, but totally worth it.}

Afterwards we all went to this barbecue that was being given by a guy who had his military retirement ceremony that day. It was crowded and I was nervous just standing around, but eventually we all grabbed a seat together and it was nice. Tons of drunk people, some funny and some annoying, and I got over my nervousness and actually talked to people. I think I may have embarrassed the bf once, but I got a little conversation going and it was really nice.

Spent quite a while there, came back to the apartment along with one of his friends who stayed a couple of hours. No nervousness, just happy and fun. My boyfriend told me that he was surprised I talked as much as I did and I am proud of myself for talking too. The people I was around were nice and funny and it was just a great day.

Last night a couple of the boyfriend’s friends came over and it went alright. They wanted to meet me and I told the boyfriend I would be much more comfortable meeting them in my own home then going over to one of their places.

Before they came over I was freaking out a bit. I couldn’t find something to wear, I was being a bitch (one of the bad things I do when I’m nervous) to the boyfriend, I was shaking. I loosened up a bit after they had been here for a while. I was quiet, but I did talk when I was asked a question. They stayed for about three hours and then we went to one of their apartments for another hour.

I’m really happy I met them. I don’t know what they thought about me, but I don’t think I made too bad of an impression. And I actually had a great time. The guys were funny and entertaining and I laughed more last night than I have in a long time. I enjoyed myself.

There is a barbecue tomorrow that a friend of the boyfriend is having. We were invited to go, but I don’t know if I am. I kind of want to go and meet his friends, but I am terrified at the same time.

The boyfriend tells me I don’t have to go and that he’ll just tell them I’m shy. But the thing that nobody seems to understand is that I’m not just shy. It’s worse than that. I’d be happy to just be shy. But my problem is that I am simply terrified of people. There is no just talk and get over it, I have always been this way and I don’t know how to fix it.

Part of me wants to go to the barbecue tomorrow. I want to met his friends and he should be with them while he can. He is almost out of the military and we will be moving back home in a little over a month so he should be spending time with them while he can and not having to worry that I’ll be mad at him for leaving me here while he is having fun with friends. I’m scared of going though. I guess I’m just afraid he’ll run off with his friends and I’ll be standing there by myself not knowing what to do. I’m afraid that his friends won’t like me and will give him shit for being with me. I’m afraid I’ll come off as this snobby bitch (which happens quite a bit because my response is usually just nod and not verbally speaking with anyone because I can’t talk). I’m afraid of them thinking bad of me because I don’t talk, I won’t eat in front of people, I don’t smile much. I want his friends to like me and I guess my biggest problem is that I don’t think they will.

As of now I think I will try and make myself go. But I know the whole day I will be nervous, worried, and shaking. People say that the more you do, the better you will get at it. When it comes to talking more, it just doesn’t seem to be something that works for me. I don’t know. I guess I will see what happens tomorrow.

Edit: I didn’t end up going to the barbecue, but thanks everyone that commented on me. It felt nice to see them and read what was wrote.

When I went to work today my boss was talking about this store she had come across. She was told about it by someone and went there and loved it. _{Just to point out the store is a couple of hours away in a pretty big city(by my standards), we don’t have very many good places to shop around here} She asked me and the assistant manager if we had ever been there and I’m like ‘yeah, that’s my favorite place’. Okay, wrong thing to say that you like another clothing store better than the one you work in, but that is besides the point. She was talking about the good deals she found there and I just got in there and mentioned that the jeans I was wearing came from there and how much they cost me.

The fact that I didn’t just stand there and nod like an idiot (the way I usually do because I’m too nervous to say anything or I’m not sure exactly what I should say) was a small accomplishment.

I believe that a lot of my goals are connected. This one, be more confident, stop being so nervous, stop overanalyzing, as well as a couple of others, are all related to each other. I think if I could accomplish just one, it would greatly help in achieving the others.

Today I asked my assistant manager about her new hair and told her it looked very good. This may not seem like much, but for me it isn’t something I would normally do. If she had said something about her hair, I would have complimented it, but I never say the first word. I don’t engage a conversation, I will (sometimes) speak when spoken to, but it is extremely hard for me to just randomly say something. I was proud of myself.