be healthy

Truthfully, I don’t focus on this goal very much. I know I should, I’m aware when I’m being lazy or eating really unhealthy, but I don’t actually do anything about it.

I have bad eating habits. A lot of days I don’t eat anything substantial or have real meals. I can go the day eating a couple of bananas, vanilla wafers, skittles, chips and drinking tons of diet soda. And on the weekend I eat quite a bit of fast food.

My dad just found out he was diabetic so we as a household are supposed to eat healthier and only buy good foods. That isn’t working out so well. I went grocery shopping and bought healthy, but then bought junk food and stuck it in my room. My mom isn’t very supportive and buys unhealthy things and tell me dad he doesn’t have to eat them.

This goal needs a lot of work.

Yesterday I had four different people comment on my weight. Two of them started talking about how I’m nothing but skin and bones and I have lost so much weight. Later another woman mentions to my mom about how skinny I have gotten. And then later on in the day my brother told me I look like I’m sick I’m so skinny. According to the scale I haven’t lost anything in several months. I have just been feeling really fat lately so there comments made me feel better. Even though two of the women say the same thing every time I see them, the other I haven’t seen in quite a while so she probably noticed a change, and then there is my brother that I haven’t seen in probably over a month.

I like being told I’m skinny. But I’m not as skinny as they make me sound and I wouldn’t mind losing another five pounds or so. Part of me tells myself I’m mentally fucked up and don’t need to get any smaller, but I’m terrified of gaining weight for different reasons.

Anyways.

Physical health: Decent weight, but I eat too much junk and fast food. I also have a bad habit of simply skipping meals because I tell myself I have already ate enough for the day only to get too hungry and grab some junk later on. I hardly get any exercise. Although I just bought a treadmill so I’m hoping that will help me out a little.

Mental health: This really depends on the day. I have had multiple panic attacks lately and have personal issues that I am trying to deal with. Sleep has been awful lately. Could definitely be better.

I don’t think this goal is coming along well. And truthfully, I haven’t made much of an effort on it. My diet consists of too much junk and I never eat balanced meals. Some days I will eat quite a bit, other days I will go through it barely eating anything. For a while I did a little better with eating some fruits, but now I could care less about eating them. I go into the kitchen at my parents’ house and if it’s a banana or a brownie, I choose the brownie – every time lately.

I’m not entirely lazy, but I’m nowhere near as active as I should be. I get out on my bike some, I hula hoop, I just walk around. It doesn’t amount to a whole lot.

I went grocery shopping last night and the store had these cheap hula hoops there so I bought one. I’m excited about it. Before I moved out here I had bought one and loved working with it. It may not seem like much of an exercise, but I can tell it does work me out a bit. And it is something simple and easy I can do while I am watching tv and I enjoy doing it, so I’m happy about getting it and especially that I got it cheap.

I weighed myself yesterday for the first time in over a month. I didn’t like the number. I haven’t gained very much, but I still hate that I gained what I did. I still am a decent size, but my stomach used to be nice and tight and now it is getting a little pudgy and soft. I hate that.

I have been trying to eat a little healthier. The apartment has been stocked with apples and bananas and I have been eating a lot of those, so that is a little progress. Unfortunately, the boyfriend also brought a big bag of candy home and I ate those too.

I have made small progress on working out. Just random little things while hanging out in the apartment. It’s horrible how out of shape I am and how little I can do before I have to quit, but as long as I can keep making myself do it, I’ll get better.

I definitely need to start working on this more. Since moving out here, I have been very inactive and have been eating pretty bad. Lots of fast food, lots of burgers and pizza. I eat more now than I did when he was gone. I just feel a little pudgy.

I stay in the apartment all day while the bf is at work. I do clean and things, but other than that I just watch tv, get on the computer.

So I am going to try and make myself work out more. Just little things I can do in the apartment. And I am going to attempt to cut down on the fast food.

I’ve been attempting to eat a bit better. Little things like corn, peas, bananas. I still have a long way to go before I would ever consider my diet to be relatively healthy, but grabbing a banana for a snack instead of heading for cookies or chips is a start.

I’ve been doing fairly well with exercising regularly. Even though my diet is still horrible, I’m very proud that I have at least been making myself work out.

What has been done:

Got rid of a toxic friendship. Greatly improved my self-esteem and emotional health.

Taking a vitamin everyday. Centrum Chewables. I actually like the way it tastes and remember to take it everyday.

What needs to be done:

Improve my diet. Currently atrocious, I survive on junk.

Exercise. Something I rarely do.

Stress less. Get rid of my anxiety, stress, worries that are such a part of my life. I need to learn ways of dealing better.

Floss. I do sometimes, but I need to start making it an everyday thing.

Sleep better. A lot of times I have trouble getting to sleep, waking up a lot during the night and just feeling restless.

I changed my goal from exercise more to be healthy. Rather than have different things, I think this goal will encompass things I need to work on. Exercising more, eating healthy, taking care of myself physically & emotionally.