have faith that everything will be okay

Do I want everything to be okay? Yes

Do I have the faith everything will be okay? No

Life and people will fuck you over either way about it.

I know life is good. I know there are good things and good people in my life. But even the best things can fall apart.

The logical side of me is saying everything will be fine, there is nothing to worry about. But right now the bad, depressive side of me is far more in control. I’m not feeling very good about myself.

I hate feeling like I don’t have control, that I don’t know what is going to happen. I don’t really like unpredictability in a lot of areas of my life.

I’m telling myself that everything will be fine. I know that in a day or two everything I need to know will most likely be figured out. I hate that even though I can repeatedly tell myself that, it’s like my brain is not comprehending it.

I know that eventually everything will be okay, but having faith when you need it is what hard. I miss my boyfriend terribly and I am afraid of losing him. What gets me thru my days is knowing that he is there. But I can’t see him and it’s hard. He can’t always be there to talk to me and make feel good about whatever is bothering me. I haven’t been able to talk to him for a week and it may still be another week before I am able to. And right now I need him so bad. I just started my second semester at college and I absolutely hate it. I want nothing more than to just say fuck it and go home, but I don’t know. I’ll probably stay for the rest of this semester anyway. I just want to talk to him. More than anything I want to be in his arms, but that can’t happen. I’m in college, he is in the military. It doesn’t leave much time to see each other. Eventually he will be out, but I don’t know what to do until then. I just hope that we will still be together and in love when that day finally comes.

I know in time that everything will be okay, but it is hard to have faith during that moment when you need it the most.