be a better girlfriend

I’m not perfect, I know occasionally I can be a bitch or a little emotional. But I think that I am a damn good girlfriend most of the time.

I gave him a card the other day. Just because. The card itself was an I’ll love you always type thing and I included a nice long message inside. Just letting him know how much he means to me and how much I really do love him.

I sent him an e-mail earlier today that wasn’t the nicest. I wasn’t a total bitch, but bitchy enough I felt bad about it. It was saying things that I have been thinking for a little while, but I think it could have been worded better.

I later e-mailed him and apologized, but I haven’t spoken to him yet.

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Edit: Yesterday I spent most of the day with him. Just hanging out, being alone with him, and it was great. One of those days that make you realize how much you really do love a person.

I got pissed off, then I got depressed. So I was a bitch, then I started crying on him.

Whenever I get mad, it doesn’t last for long. Which I suppose is good that shortly after it happens I am ready to talk it out and make up. I have also realized that I don’t turn into a bitch until I get my feelings hurt and then I start to get defensive.

We had already made up when I got depressed. I have been stressing out and we have talked about it before, but something was said last night to just make me think about it more and left me feeling unassured. But I was the annoying crying girl for a while, we talked it out, I felt better, and eventually things were okay. I’m still worried about things and won’t know exactly how it will come out until the time arrives.

I know getting mad and crying doesn’t make me a bad girlfriend. But it makes him feel bad when I cry, and I don’t like that. I feel bad about crying about what I did. It is something we have already discussed so I feel bad about bringing the conversation up again.

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So it is the next morning and things are much better. Just having a bad night. Thank you for the support. Your comments make me feel better.

So I know I am not absolutely horrible, but a lot of times I think I could be a better girlfriend.

Right now I think the boyfriend is mad at me and it makes me feel like shit. For the first time in the month we have been living together, he didn’t tell me goodnight or give me a kiss the way he always has. And it hurt.

I got frustrated tonight which I assume made me a bit bitchy and that led to him being annoyed/mad at me.

Now I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about the things I did wrong, why I am a bitch, and that why I am afraid any small thing that goes wrong is some sort of negative symbol of our relationship.

Basically I need to be better. I know I can’t change everything about me and there is undoubtedly things that annoy him that he’ll just have to get used to, but I can try to avoid being a bitch and handle my feelings better.