be fearless

I seem to have so much to say on this subject tonight. >.>

I forgot to add – I don’t believe in being fearless. Even the most “fearless” people I know or have had the honor of meeting or hell even reading about in biographies or whatever have said there’s no such thing as fearless – only of mastering your fear, and doing the things you’re afraid of.

So when I say I want to be fearless, I mean I want to control my fear, not let it control me. Anyone who’s asking themselves to be afraid of nothing I think is asking too much.

Oh yeah, and when logic fails me… I use this litany from uh (don’t laugh, I know it’s nerdy) Frank Herbert’s Dune. So it’s a fictional story, the mantra is calming:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Tonight as I was driving home from my fiance’s I started counting cars: 1… 2… 3… I made it somewhere between 50 and 60 before I lost track because my mind skipped to a tangent. For most of the drive, it’s a narrow 2 lane (one in each direction) road with no center divide, and you’re literally feet from death each time you pass a car. One jolt of the wheel or one furry surprise racing out in front and BAM – it could be all over.

So I started thinking – every day we come within feet or seconds of death and cheat it without even realizing it. Sounds pretty morbid right? Ok, so maybe I am a little morbid, but I didn’t think of it in a morbid way – instead, I started thinking: If we can laugh in the face of death, what else could there be to possibly fear?

Of course they say there are a million fates worth than death – but I don’t think saying something foolish is one of them. I don’t think admitting I’m wrong is one of them. I don’t think being honest and finding someone doesn’t like you because of it is one of them. I certainly don’t think bugs and spiders bites and being alone in the dark are some of them.

So hopefully with this revelation… I’m well on my way to being fearless. Realizing that my fears are foolish is the first step, right? And if I can smile and sing with the radio and talk on my phone and laugh out loud in the face of death… why not in the face of little bugs and complete strangers?