stand up for myself

Yesterday was my most stressful day of work ever, no question ; I expect a hernia to show up anytime soon. When I finally got to close shop I left a pretty immature note under the office door saying :

Please,

Don’t have me work in that one boutique EVER again!!

That was a bit over-dramatic I reckon, not sure how they’ll react to that… But there you go, I never get a chance to talk to them anyways so I suppose if I leave a note that is out-of-character enough maybe they’ll get curious and give me a bloody minute.

I’m far too polite and patient and dealing with psychopath clients is neither part of my training nor of my contract for that matter. I had no time to eat one bite of my dinner last night as I had to spend three hours with a douchelord client who just wouldn’t call it a day, and almost every single bad thing that could have happened happened, I almost thought I was being punk’d. Just a nightmare.

I don’t have the shoulders for that kind of crap so I’m asking them to put my youth to some use instead, and for once have me work in one of the busier shops, where transactions last thirty seconds and you actually get to move and be helpful, as opposed to being stuck with the same person for fifteen minutes minimum. Cause when they’re decent people and the tools work fine, it’s a blast, but when not it’s a frigging nightmare and just too much stress for me.

A while ago, my grandfather chose to give me and my siblings a non-negligible amount of money. Not a crazy amount or anyting but considerable nonetheless, especially that early in life.

My dad decided it should all be invested so it could fructify. He didn’t consult us, he just announced it ; he had basically made all the phonecalls, met with all the right people and stuff, and he just needed each of us to sign a whole thirty + pages legal-dialect booklet in several places in order to seal the deal. I said I never expected money in the first place and was fine with just keeping it, that I didn’t feel like taking that kind of risk.

He sighed at my daring pretend I know anything about anything, proceeded to explain to me that if my money stayed in the bank, it would lose value or whatever, that those were very secure investments with little to gain but very little risk. I said if there was little to gain, then I’d rather not take any risk at all, but he kept saying it was the right idea, and since at this point even my older brother had given up and said “all right then” because he didn’t want to hear about it anymore, as my dad’s authoritative personality exasperates him as much as it does me, I too said “all right then”.

Maybe I must insist here on the fact that I have zero financial education. I do fine because I’m not materialistic and I’m naturally very prudent with money so I don’t get in trouble, but to give you an idea of how much of a noob I am, at age 25 I’ve still never had a word with my banker or know who that person is for that matter. Money is very taboo in my family. My mother does not work, my father just works all the time and is not content with his salary, and since he hardly talks at all, money is the last thing you want to mention in his presence as that usually results in random outbursts. He loves to complain that he’s given birth to incapables and has to do everything by himself, but the truth is he’s the one who’s hyperactive and feels he has to do everything by himself always. His idea of a relaxing sunday afternoon is to disassemble and move every piece of heavy furniture in the house, with Wagner playing at full blast. If you walk by he’ll throw a door at you or something and ask you to help him with it, but his lack of patience and appreciation will result in you not wanting to help so much. So I guess what I’m saying is maybe we’re indeed a bunch of lazies who’ve all studied literature instead of busines but believe me when I say his jaded attitude makes you want to stay as far away from responsibilities as you can. To give you an idea of his poor communication skills, my dad is the only person in the world who’s been known to give his children appointments whenever he feels he has something to say to them. “I feel we need to talk, how about next saturday, 10 AM ? I’ll be waiting in the living room, don’t be late”. That’s an actual phrase he’s said to me when I was still living with him. I wish I were kidding.

Anyway, back to the investment, a few weeks ago, my dad informed me that maybe it wasn’t so worth it after all and that when he has time he’s going to cancel everything. I just thought “ha ! So who was wrong now ?!”. Anyway, today, at my parent’s home, I stumbled upon a letter adressed to me so I opened it. It turns out not only is the investment not paying off but the money seems to be evaporating way beyond any reasonable expectation. At that rate, it could be pretty much gone when I need it in, say, two years’ time. I wanna say “you know what, I don’t even care”, but I kind of do, I’m 25, I’m on minimal wage with not much of a future profiling itself right now, as much as I appreciate financial support from my parents I’d feel better off knowing I’m somewhat in control as far as whatever money that’s actually mine is concerned. So whatever’s going on, I’m going to ask him to call it off, then I’m going to have to make an ongoing effort towards becoming a more responsible person who has a clue about administration and life and money and stuff.

They mistake the phrase

“please don’t touch the top, only the sides, the top’s perfect the way it is”

for

“do whatever the f$!k you want and take my money”.

I feel so violated :’( . I look like f*!king Tintin now :’( .

Lately the office has been bragging on about a large bonus that we were all supposed to get at the end of the month for the hard work. “Got a few hundred euros” said my coworkers. Fine, better than nothing I guess.

Today, reading my paycheck, I was amazed (well, only half-amazed, knowing those people) to find out I get a bonus of… fifty freaking euros ??!! Only ?! Is this a joke ?! Do they know how hard I work for them ?! I’ve been with them for over six months working my ass off !! Back in february, I got screwed over the New Year bonus but I assumed this was because I was a newbie, now we’re talking about six months and that includes coming at the last minute to replace someone more than a few times, and moving around my hard-enough-as-it-is schedule to help them out on a regular basis. I never failed them, I only called in sick once and that’s because I had been as sick as it gets, and I called the day before so that they could find a replacement, and I came back to work the next day even though my head still hurt like crazy.

I’m sure they’re going to bring up my being late a few times if I ask them what this is about (I posted about that before, it’s not rare for me to be five minutes late -no more than five minutes, still it happens). Yet I find this really petty of them and particularly hypocritical, because most of my coworkers as I’ve mentioned a few times leave work up to two hours before the official closing time while I stay until midnight, take one or two hour breaks instead of the thirty minute break we’re allowed to have, bully helpless clients, that and so much more, if you’re going to reward good work and punish imperfections, be fair, objective and honest about it.

Meanwhile the guy who interviewed and hired me left us yesterday (maybe a sign it’s time for me to quit too). I’m 80% sure this was his doing, this bonus business, to make sure I won’t miss him or something. Fifty euros ! Do they know how much money I make for them every night ?!! Thousands ! I honestly don’t care about the money, it’s just a matter of principle, to me this is unfair and not objective and is just further proof of how awfully and randomly this place is run.

Also, my coworker D who has been working his ass off all year, running one of the busiest shops on his own every day of the week, gets nothing. I assume that’s because he “got in a fight” months ago, although he really just got beaten up by a lunatic and never fought back (and afterwards he looked like Edward Norton in Fight Club / 25th hour / any film in which Edward Norton gets beaten the hell out of / uh any film with Edward Norton, it was ugly). The guy who beat him up is an employee too and never got fired. My friend D got a formal warning at the time and got suspended for a few days. That was the sanction if you ask me. To keep him off the bonus on top of that while he’s one of the employees on whom they rely the most is just childish and shows how little consideration they have for our work. I don’t know why I’m still working at this failfest.

Rant over.

Okay, being young in Paris means you get constantly approached by various (legitimate) charities asking you to make donations. I’m the perfect target for those people : I’m shy, polite (don’t want to interrupt) and empathetic (don’t want to disappoint), and I have those idle eyes about me and this idle way of walking that make charity people intercept me immediately. Most importantly, my character is such that I’ll feel like an asshole all day if I just ignore them. On a good day, I walk past them and say I don’t have time, otherwise, I’ll listen to their whole blurb then say I’m interested but don’t have enough money or whatever. When I went to university, I’d see those guys every day on my way to class so I was trained. But now I’m not used to this anymore and today, as I was waiting for a friend of mine next to the metro station, one came to me and totally got me. I was waiting for my friend so I could not pretend to walk past her, and, I’m ashamed to confess, she was very cute (they always are), and as months go by I’m not growing any less single so it’s easy to fall for that (I’m cheap).

Anyway, I said I didn’t have my bank information on me (which is untrue but frankly I don’t feel comfortable giving it away just like that without having done my own research on the charity from the comfort of my home, I knew that one to be legit but I still want to know how the money’s used). Besides, although I wouldn’t mind giving some cash right away and leaving (which isn’t what these people ask for), I’m less comfortable giving all my info for them to keep and harass me with (I’d rather they just hand me their info). Anyway, she did get my name, address, everything, only my bank info, we agreed that I’d send it later on when I’m home and have access to it (translation : when I’m home and am done changing my mind). Turns out : I checked out their website and everything… I’m not sure I feel like it. Most of the actions she described to me I found great (it’s an AIDS charity), but most of what they seem to be about according to the internet, I’m not sure I agree with 100% (I’d rather they focused on preventing drug usage for example than on buying safer stuff for people to get high with). Anyway, now this girl keeps calling me on my cell phone probably to get the rest of my info and I keep ignoring her. Shouldn’t I just have said no ? Am I not a weak, weak, weak person ? She only had a face to hate and quickly forget, now she has my pretentious name and pretentious adress to hate as well. I don’t mind giving a few euros a month to a charity, really (it’s better than paying for a WoW account), it’s just there are so many of them soliciting you, I might as well choose one I’m more into. ^{Hell, I don’t even get laid. She gave me a free condom :/, may look nice on my desk.}

Do I wait until they forget about it ? Do I call back, say I changed my mind ? Ask her on a date ? Damn. I hate being me sometimes.

Why the hell is music so freaking loud at h&m and other fashion stores ??? It keeps getting worse, it’s ridiculous, you’re supposed to shout to order a shot at a nightclub, not to ask for jeans your size ! Do they expect people to shuffle and dance while they’re walking through the store ? What the hell ?! It just makes me want to get the hell out as soon as possible. The whole point of shopping ^{(other than shopping)} is that it’s supposed to be relaxing. I had to wear earplugs in the fitting room because the whole place was pulsing around, really, I mean it, you’re a fashion store, be humble, don’t try to make me dance, that’s not what I came for. And your clothes suck by the way. Whatever happened to normal jeans ? Even the boot cut is dead. You killed the flared cut and now the boot cut ? What’s with all those slim cuts everywhere ? I hate them. Don’t we get to choose anymore ? It should be renamed the fatass cut, nobody looks slim with slim jeans on, not even slim people, they just make shoes and butts look enormous and there’s absolutely no movement to the material. Please. Less music, more clothes. Now.

Oh and while I’m ranting : if you’re a wouldbe musician and your song contains the words “oh oh”, it’s not a song so just start over. All the songs at h&m are made of nothing but oh-ohs and a retarded beat and an annoying singer. Seriously, have you ever heard a worse song than this ?? Please, say you haven’t.

That’s how much I made for the shop this night. Yes. One client came. In seven hours !! What the fvçk am I being paid for ?? I declare my employers oficially nuts. They have a shop under the freaking Eiffel Tower and it’s not profitable ? I call serious incompetence. Here’s everything I observed that’s wrong about this shop :

- it’s not accessible ; the receptionists from the Tower have designed the line to buy tickets in such a way that you can’t see the shop, and you can only access it from a certain angle, where you’d have no reason to be in the first place.

- even when the ticket booth in that pillar is closed, like it has been for the last month, those stupid receptionists leave barriers in the way as if there was still a line there. So even though you can now see the shop, you still can’t access it unless you feel like walking around the whole thing.

- even though you can now see the shop, there’s still nothing indicating that it is a shop. The shop under the other pillar makes several thousands every night. It has a freaking sign that says “Souvenirs”. The one they have me working in has no such sign.

- not only do I not have that sign, I have a giant luminous sign on top of me saying “PILLAR CLOSED” (as the ticket booth is closed). Which kind of tells people “NOTHING TO SEE HERE, MOVE ON”. Just stupid.

So most clients I get end up here by chance, not design. Most of them want to buy tickets, which I don’t sell. A lot of them are looking for the bathroom. Many have a restaurant reservation that tells them to be here. My job is to give freaking information, most of which I don’t have because actually my job is not to give freaking information.

So I’m asking : what kind of morons pay for a location that is, I assume, pretty expensive, pay for electricity, pay for, you know, my salary (hey, I don’t mind), and at the end of the day see that their shop made 2€50 and don’t give a damn ? I’m just blown away.

I’m of course sick of working here because :
- I’m alone.
- it’s very cold.
- there’s nothing to do.

I looked at the schedule and I’m supposed to be working here the whole week and next week too. So that will have been 4 weeks. Really ? Can’t they alternate ? Aren’t there like 20 other people in the evening team ? I’m going to have a word with them folks at the office tomorrow because I’ve seriously had it with their bull$#!+.

I’m a bit pissed (I don’t like that word, is there a non-urological equivalent that conveys the same strength and provides the same expeditive-delivery/satisfactory-sound ratio ?) ; I’m pissed because of my bosses mainly. I am to be in the little desert-of-a-shop the whole week while they put me there all of last week already and not only that, I am to be there all of next week.

On the one hand I blame myself because I’m sure my often being kind of late has something to do with that decision ; on the other hand I find it very unfair because I think I’m a serious employee and 75% of my coworkers don’t do $#!+. Hell, most of them leave one hour before the official closing time, some take one or two hour diner breaks plus one hour’s worth of cigarette breaks, not to mention all the time they spend running around the other boutiques to chat with other coworkers and all the time they spend on the phone. So they spend what, two hours actually working, during which they don’t help tidy up anything, they hardly assist clients when they’re not just plain rude to them… Yet because the bosses are only here until 5 pm, they have no idea how anyone in the evening team actually is at work.

So I don’t project the image of a serious person by being 5 minutes late, I get it and it’s fair. The fact is I am serious at work but they don’t know that because they’re not freaking there. I’m not saying they should be there, it’s their right to have a life, but there should be some kind of control or regular debriefings to get to know employees and what their job is like and how good they’re at it. There’s no such thing. Their whole notion of who should work in which shop tonight is based on their superficial knowledge of your face and voice and on what time they shook your hand (so that they can get the hell out, go home and watch a porno). They don’t care what’s actually happening in their absence. To me that’s just crazy, I think that’s no way to manage a 20+ people team and I think they’re not good bosses.

^{Rant over.}

- I was to replace a dude on his dinner break. Without even looking at my coworker to fish for an approval I wouldn’t have gotten, I just casually said : “why don’t you do it for a change ?”. It worked. I can’t believe it.

- by the end of the evening, she started pressuring me and bossing me around like she usually does so that we could close quickly. “I intend to close on time,” I said. “But I want to split,” she said. “Well then, feel free. I’m staying, that’s all. Your hurry, not mine.” She left and I got to finish the day calmly.

- someone asked me to replace them on their cigarette break yesterday and I said no.

- someone asked me to replace them tomorrow (my second day off) and I said no. I didn’t try to justify it like I usually do, I know I don’t feel like it and that’s enough of a reason.

I’m gonna try to keep doing things like that. I keep hearing that everyone likes me at work, which is flattering, but I wonder whether it’s because I’m everyone’s b!+©#. As much as I like helping, I’m super tired and I’m at the point where I spend infinitely more time trying to help than trying to improve my own life somewhat. I believe I can remain true to my altruistic nature whilst being more in touch with my individualistic self. In fact, I think I’d be more available for others were some of my personal frustrations dealt with and out of the way.