I came back from my vacation rested but I’m now exhausted again. Actually this isn’t from working too much, quite the opposite : they keep appointing me to the tiny clientless shops where you just sit all cramped up against the tiny heater and wait alone for seven hours. This is not only depressing but also kind of all-around uhealthy as your body and mind aren’t exactly challenged so they just decide to be sleepy. The reason I’m agreeing to having an intellectually unchallenging job is that I expect them to at least put my physical energy to use, boost me, I’m 25, damn it (and I’m told I look less !), I need to move, I already have a home to do nothing in. They’re turning me into a veg. I have to tell Mister Useless at the office.
☠ dustball jin ☠ has written 15 entries about this goal
I’ve had it, had it, HAD it with the people at this job, I ask for two freaking weeks of vacation in february and now they’re not sure anymore that they can give them to me, what the hell ? I haven’t had one day of vacation since june , that’s six months, and before june, I worked for six months too. I’m never changing my schedule around for them anymore when they beg me to come on a monday or whatever, I don’t see why I’d do them favours if they can’t be arsed to do one thing for me. Stupid ugly tower, I hope it falls apart. Two weeks so I can read a bloody book, get actual sleep, take a walk or two and maybe have sex with myself, is that really too much to ask for ? Darn it. I really need that vacation, I’m sick of just aging around.
I haven’t slept a full night in days. 2013 has just begun and it appears I’m to be blessed with asthma this year, which I’ve never had until the last three nights, during which I’ve just been coughing, spitting and not-breathing. It’s a little less extreme during the day and outside of my house but still pretty debilitating. I’ve been miserable over an inconsiderate femme fatale, I’m sick of work… I never thought I’d say this but I’m almost missing 2012-jin. Already.
So far I haven’t been sleeping very well at all in 2013. End of december I spent a couple of nights in my old bed at my parents’ house and slept gorgeously. But since that very loud party on new year’s eve my hearing has been all over the place and I’m extremely stressed, I keep waking up several times a night. I hate going to the doctor’s since it reminds me of my ordeal three years ago but I think it’s time for a checkup.
I find the French medical system very fucked up. On the one hand, we’ve got this beautiful (if incomprehensible) affordable health care system. On the other hand, “suffering” is not part of their vocabulary or training, either they can fix you or they can’t, and either way they feel no need to listen to you or explain things to you. You see one guy who sends you to another guy then it’s another one etc, it’s just very stressful and ends up kind of expensive, and in the end you don’t even know what’s wrong with you because everyone has a different opinion which they don’t care to explain to you. All they do is prescribe, prescribe, prescribe willy-nilly. I’m pretty sure we’re the most medication-addicted country in the world. Personally I never felt better than once I stopped taking all the crazy $#!+ they prescribed.
chainplaying solitaire when I’m bored at work. Gives me f*ked up dreams at night.
Please pity me. All of you. Now.
I feel kind of bad about it but let’s just call this the deep sleep I needed to transition into my second quarter-century around humans.
I just slept like a baby. In fact I just slept like two babies, that’s how well I slept. Then first thing I did was eat a peach. No, wait, two ! Wow, I’m seeing a pattern for today.
I’m so tired all the time. I don’t understand. Can’t do anything. I’m about to take a nap now !
i’m so tired
i don’t know what to do
By the way, I want to tell John Lennon that he wrote this on a freaking vacation in India, don’t know what to do ? sleep ! I wish I had time for that. I don’t know what to do ! Now move on to the next verse and go light another cigarette already.
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