I know I have a problem with noise and with alcohol. So when I have a friend screaming in the phone “we’re on the docks drinking next to a bunch of assholes playing djembe”, why do I bother coming along ? Last time I do this.
I guess I want to go out like everyone else every once in a while but if that’s the kind of thing we’re doing, from now on, I’ll either look for another group of people to go out with or stay home. Ironic that I’d go out because the yelling in my house is driving me crazy just to end up in another place with more people yelling.
My ringing has been really stable and bearable for the last couple of months, I’ve actually been able to play a lot of music without it being a bother, and as a result my noise-related anxiety has been better too. Now it’s all back because of an hour in the middle of fifty djembe-humping drunks. All I hear is the ringing. Again. I hadn’t felt that desperation in TWO MONTHS. Now I just want to cry. Screw it really. I’d go get a gun but I don’t have one so I’ll go for a bowl of cereal in my bed.
Here’s how I evaluate my state of mind right now…