it is my regret to inform you that the recruitment comity regarding the 40 openings blablabla
out of 1296 applicants, 92 were selected to go through our interviewing process.
please accept blablabla
-the comity’s secretary”
(actual letter i got)
p00, and there i was building my hopes up :[
well, life goes on… Here’s what i felt like replying :
Re : p00ey letter
dear miss recruitment-lady
i can’t believe you’re only interviewing 92 people when you have 40 positions to fill. that’s like two people per position (trust me, i’m a cashier, i can count and $#!†). i do not mean to shatter your optimism madam but it sounds to me like you’re being a bit cocky there taking chances with statistics like that. i think i know about 92 people myself and a good two-third of them smell. you’re pushing your luck, just saying.
i would also like to inform you that email in this day and age is a fairly reliable means of communication and that, had your stylish recruitment comity had an email (which is totally free btw), me and another 1295
desperate enthusiastic folks would have saved precious monies on stamps, paper and envelopes. i’d hate to see you go bankrupt -i’m saying this because you replied with a letter yourself, as i assume you did with every other applicant. a classy move perhaps, but what about forests ? trust me, being a good cashier who works with plastic bags and stuff i know about saving on things. don’t get me wrong, i love licking envelopes, but that saliva could have served other purposes, like lubricating your hairy mom helping science or something.
anyways, i understand that we live in a democracy and that it is your inalienable right not to meet me and my beautiful pants. i hope the interviews turn out well and that only a small half of those people will stink (though really with such a narrow sample that’s just unrealistic but whatever, your judgement call). in return, please understand that you will not be invited to my birthday party. some people will be interviewed, a small ten percent of whom will eventually be eligible for a party invitation (see, 10 to 1, that right there is a much safer sample, take it from me. i can’t guarantee there won’t be a couple of smelly ones still but at least they’ll be moar fun than you). we wanted you to interview but there were 418 applicants fo my party and unfortunately we could only interview 417 so our comity decided on just leaving out the least attractive one. we hope you understand.
please accept my sentiments blabla but mosty your shameful failure.