Write more

I find that sometimes, when I need to write the most, longhand, I find myself resisting. So the next best thing, is I will type on the computer, but I know it’s not the same thing. I think I find that I end up writing things that I need to get out, longhand, and I write things that I subconsciously want to read back to myself, or even need to tell myself, on the computer. I think it’s because my handwriting is kind of illegible. :P

So I was starting to feel like my world was spiraling out of control. So time for the morning pages again. I managed to fill a 70 page notebook in half a month. Not bad. Morning pages are hugely therapeutic for me. This month, not so consistent on the MPs, but the seem to come around when they are most needed.

I think it’s been over a good… at least a year, year and a half. I think I can finally write in there again. I think with me and the blog, it’s a bit of an effort to make it somewhat objective, and non-personal. Well, non-personal in the sense of not naming names, trying to focus on topics, at least for me anyway. Granted, I put a lot of my feelings and opinions in there. Eh, I don’t know what I am trying to say. I guess I’ve moved past the anger/depression/have nothing good to say cycle… finally.

Not consistently, but I’ve picked it up. I’ve really really really busy, and meeting TONS of people lately. Sometimes I feel like I need to write bullet points just so I don’t forget all the events and people that I have met. I still feel like I need to get a consistent writing schedule together.

I’ve been out of the country, and away from my laptop. However, it’s been a month now. I’m finally starting to write again. I decided not to get caught up in the handwriting vs typing debate again, so I officially declared that I would just do the typing thing. Anyway, I was thinking that it would help me get in the mode for my Travel writing thing goal. Of course I’ve been preoccupied with my personal writing, and not writing for pay!!!! Oye. But at least the words are coming out. I’m considering writing in my blog again. Circa 2001. Except I have to see where 2001 and 2002 went. They got lost. I think most of the thoughts and feelings I needed to work out in private have been worked out, so I thought it might be time to share again with the world. :]

I was typing on my laptop for the past few months. Then I stopped EVERYTHING for about a month, and that sucked. I decided to do an experiment and go back to my “Morning Pages” roots, and do the 3 pages longhand on the 8 1/2” by 11”. There’s something very therapeutic about the tactile-ness of longhand. I’m on the second day. We’ll see how it goes.

I’ve been going through some painful emotional stuff lately. Unfortunately, a lot of my support system people have either moved away, lost touch, or have to stay neutral. So I’ve had to work a lot of this stuff out myself.

There’s been a lot of profanity lately in blog/journal, which I guess is a plus for keeping it offline at this point. In the world of blogging, there’s a certain amount of unspoken self-censoring that needs to happen… in order to avoid any possible negative reprocussions. :/

I will say that it is much less destructive to curse and say horrible things about someone in a document that no one will ever see. And it makes me feel a bit better. Just a little.

Several weeks ago I decided to keep my blog on my computer and not pubshlish it, and I manage to work a lot of things out in there, so it helps a lot. I’ve been doing morning pages longhand for so long, that I think the journalling on my laptop has also gotten me used to “writing” on this thing. I’ve still been pretty consistent, no matter how long or short I write. yay!

So I am a write-aholic these days. I think I’m focusing more on “getting it out” and on paper, versus “good writing.” Ummm… I’ll focus on that if there’s some monetary compensation somewhere. :D I’ve been writing everywhere – Here, in my private blog, in my affirmations list, in my journal. I think it is helping a lot.

Mostly in the form of journaling, exercises, and lists. I guess it’s part of my recovery process. I used to do morning pages on and off for several years now, but I decided to try and vary things up a bit more, like tying in the laptop. There’s something still satisfying about the visceral feel of handwriting. So I still bring my journal to the coffee shops and restaurants. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately.