I have been reading a lot lately and it has made me want to be my true self from now on.
I read one story in particular that made me think a lot. It was about a policeman who pulled someone over and then walked up to the car with a macho attitude and ready to give the guy a hard time. When the guy rolled down the window he had a gun and shot at the policeman and drove off. The policeman lost his macho attitude and lay crying on the ground because he thought he had been shot. When the paramedics arrived they could not find any bullet wounds. It turns out the shots had all missed him but he thought he had been shot and what he thought was blood was actually just from wetting his pants.
The meaning of the story to me is that you can pretend to be all macho as much as you like but eventually a time will come where you will be exposed for who you really are.
I have been trying to be very confident lately and I have been making myself out to be ultra confident. I now realize that it is silly to pretend like that because I will be exposed as a fraud sooner or later. Someone also told me that I am more confident now than when I met her. When I met her was the time when I was putting on the biggest show of confidence that I could. That also made me realize that it is impossible to know what personality you are projecting to other people and in my case it was the exact opposite of what I thought I was doing.
I have stopped pretending to be confident now and I have given up all my other faked behaviour, as far as I know of course. I feel as if I am the same person I was when I was a little boy in primary school.
Not everyone likes the new me. My boss wants me to go back to being the loser I was a few years ago. Peoples’ attitudes have changed towards me. I like what I have become and I don’t plan on giving it up just because people don’t like it.