what I did or do again

- so a few things
– the lady in my team asking where some template was saved. Answer the exact same place its always been FFS! We use it once a week and its been there for at least three years.
– when she was doing the work she asks me something but doesn’t answer my question so I can help and just gets worked up from her out failure.
– then the same person when she’d ‘done the work’ noticed that she maybe shouldn’t have reversed some quite large values. Essentially we have a report (spreadsheet) that you add comments to and change the ‘final’ column so in this case some lines had no comments but the final said to put the variance back to the pot. So this didn’t stop her doing it or checking or anything like that again FFS! she did the prep so if the comments weren’t there then – she should have investigated. She did the transaction today again she should have checked and investigated. Also my boss shouldn’t have signed it off which is almost worse. I come back from lunch and they’re chatting and laughing. However theres and email asking for me to look into it as they don’t know why its happened. So for something so important they’re just having a chat. Then they get all antsy when I’m trying to ask where I’m looking and if she’s actually done the transaction.
All the lines were fine to reverse and the way to get the back up. Look in the inbox. did they bother? No :S so it feels like I get shouted at for nothing I’ve done, have to fix a mistake which shouldn’t have happened, should have been fixed then and there and not even been a thing. End result I don’t know why the comments were removed it was clearly an accident probably dragging a formula down (to fix another mistake someone else made (not me))
just annoyed me
- I gave a mock up of my report to my boss. She was very unimpressed and asks if I’ve spoken to the rest of the team about it. No because it was all my own work and I was testing it out. I’ve mentioned this before and now one cared anyway.
- told off for having a report done on a tuesday it makes no difference to us and helps the people who used it but I’ve overstepped.

The most important thing is that I stop getting worked up over things and find something else to balance it all out. With nothing like a girlfriend to care about I end up only having me sat at the desk to think about.
It does honestly feel I get burnt for things either which are small; aren’t my fault; or other people do the same or worse but nothing happens to them.

For my next thing to do in accountancy I’ve asked where I did my aat for some information so we’ll wait on that. I’m also interested in other qualifications like banking and stuff afterwards. Wish I could do ACA though.

Really not sure what to do with work – I am trying honestly but not seeming to get any movement. I said to my boss that I’d write my development plan and give it to her for tomorrow and I asked for like a second 121 to ask what I needed to do to be rated exceptional.
I don’t see any point now.

Well if anything not a mixed bag this post just negative. Darn.

- something made me think of ice skating with D she was one of my many (two (if you want to count 3 month T) girlfriends)(ages ago) plus theres an advert with a tall lady on it which makes me think of T as she was my height which maybe tall for a lady at 6ft but for me it wasn’t an issue she felt it might have been at the start. Odd ramble there.
- annoying people at work
- failing at all things
- I’ve mentioned it before about me doing some extra work for a team down in London and how I might be going down there to get what we’re doing. However I am firmly of the belief that if it wasn’t for the person on that side not wanting to come up here then I wouldn’t be leaving the office. However a guy on my team has been sent down there right away and having all these bits and pieces.
- We had the French manager come round, not that I was told while they wanted to learn about what my team does. Then the other guy on a different but similar team just did it all.
I may as well just sit there silent and no one would notice and all. I do feel painted into a corner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ_PMvjmC6M

There was more but not sure theres a point. Also I’m trying make a simple sort of flash report to show our larger weekly report as a month end snap shot so we (I) can focus on people and areas to reduce variances. I want it done for tomorrow as then I have to write a real development plan thing :S

- 33:55 5k
So from the tracking that 35:34; 34:55; 33:55 I’m mistrustful of the improvement but the times all tally.
- My development plan meeting with my boss is tomorrow.
- I made the timetable for this week so I wasn’t doing reports – still had to help and explain stuff to people. I don’t mind it if they shouldn’t know the stuff.
- I then had to explain to someone down in London why we needed to adjust some budgets so we can move large values.
- Had a query with someone who should know better.
- Looked a bit more at my project in terms of reporting. To me it makes sense looking and trying to solidify good practice in the business. My bosses don’t seem to agree.
- Need really to tidy my room
- Game completion
- Had a nice salad for lunch.
- So it’s more work time.
-I really need to think of either A moving or B really starting studying again but I can’t really afford it especially also because I’m saving and with ISAs once its in its best to leave it in there lol if I’d started last year :P

But it is a serious area to think about getting a new job or what I can do here and the experience and the studying.

I’m bored of writing this now no one cares anyway.

- Watching Community
- Playing some video games, so some more achievements done.
- I have to call my pension people because I locked my account by forgetting the password.
- Meant to do a 5k tomorrow, not really ‘feeling it’ but I guess I have to.
- It should be a quiet day tomorrow as I’m making the rest of the team do the work for a change.
- I’ll work a bit on my projects, it’s not even complicated more I’m just trying to look at stuff in a new way. Essentially is a person or department appearing more often. But I want more.
- Also got my development plan for the year I need to read through and see if I have any thoughts.
- Many more things which are boring and self centered.

1. Lets put J behind me – a guy I know who works with her and knows that I like her said he’d asked her yesterday morning and she said there was no one in the office she likes and she’s never mentioned me like that before. So I don’t think there’s even much hope of seeing if I grow on her or anything.
I don’t know girls really – if any women have tips then let me know.
2. I’ve got these projects at work; two of them were given to me and one or two are my own idea to report things not differently as such but actually look at the information and stuff. Then we’d use the information to try and reduce the volumes. But my managers don’t seem interested at all, so to be honest it just makes me think should I bother. They say about being proactive and ‘owning’ stuff. So I’m trying to look for areas of improvement and then just nothing. Like before I dug through a whole years worth of weekly reports so about 302,000 lines.
Anyway this is becoming longer for no reason.
3. My whole department is going out for lunch tomorrow; I said I didn’t want to go. I just don’t really feel part of the team to be honest.
4. I’ve put cash into an ISA and some into my savings account (I could have had at least say £50 more if I’d not gone out for beers).

In terms of kickstarting stuff I’ve been to the gym and did a 5k on Tuesday. 20 seconds slower than my best so 34:55 I was running at a normal pace right at the end but at 60m it felt like I may even blackout for a second (I really don’t think I would have) so I walked the rest of the way. Not good at all.
Still having T come to mind.
I think I may need to move jobs but I certainly need to make changes in everything and drive forward in things. I need to work on personal development mainly.

She didn’t reply. So now I feel like a dick

Maybe I should just email her saying Hey I like you heres my number, call me if you want or go round and chat with some of the guys I know and talk with her as well.
This whole thing is not because I’m trying to start something serious more just so many times I think she likes me but it doesn’t play through. I’m confused and I don’t like that.

Thats really the biggest part of me right now. I’m thinking of some work stuff but I don’t think that will work either mainly due to me either not understanding or just like not other people being dicks but more them being dicks.

So I sent the girl I like an email. Its the same girl I’ve mentioned before.
Anyway.
I asked her
Hey,Did you have a good time on Friday?
She replied
Yea it was good, I was revising all day Saturday so thats why I had to leave early!!
I was a bit confused. No question leading me back; so what do I say? Is she interested.
yea you did leave a bit early, I thought it was something I said :). Its cima you’re doing right?
so thats as far as it went. We did see each other at lunch but there wasn’t like smiles and stuff. But see I don’t know if thats because we’re alike in the sense of I certainly like her but I’m not grinning like a dick every time.
Probably over thinking this

- Starting tomorrow its going to the gym again
- Also I’m going to try and kickstart everything.
– Saving
– Tidying my room
– Getting some games done
– Learning German
– Being better at work
– This also means I have to start my career kind of thing.
-Talking to J.

Who knows what’ll happen with her – any suggestions?

- its always great fun when you’re quiet like I am to listen to music and feel the headphones vibrate with the concussive rhythm.
- right now I’m feeling a bit ‘off’ I don’t mean ill or hungover or whatever but just off because I had so much beer last night.
- I don’t remember if I mentioned our works strategy day thing we had on Friday, but we had a strategy day thing on Friday. So we went to the woods and just did some wood stuff. After we got back to the office and then to a bar for a drink.
So the girl I like was there – J. We kept seeming to look at each other and stuff, kept catching each others eye. I stupidly didn’t smile because she wasnt and like I didn’t want to just be grinning all the time sort of.
But she looked so gorgeous. We spoke for a minute or two. I have no idea about what as I was drinking. But who knows maybe I should speak with her more and smile and stuff.
she went home and I ended up staying out with some of the guys. But she is just :) and a gorgeous smile.
There was one other thing mainly me talking with the managers and getting on with them I know if I left them that would be it. But like one of them was saying what a good guy I am and about getting over t and stuff.
lol wish I could have J help me ;)

I’ll try the 2:1 again

+ I have something to do with my day as its work again tomorrow
+ The weather has been nice
- Didn’t do anything all weekend – even the idea of completing some games didn’t work.

I am honestly struggling with this 2:1 idea because even discounting the negative parts I have fewer positives.
So today I woke up late, I normally wake up at 0550 I did this morning but then thought I don’t need to get up. So I slept till well I can’t remember but it feels like I should have gotten up. Then I spent most of my day in my room; but didn’t really burn through games, or tidy or read or anything. Personally it would have been better if I was doing stuff with people, if she was around I know it’d be centred around her.
We visited my nana for a little while and she was asking if I had done anything said ‘no’ then she said about my bike. Asking why I didn’t ride it somewhere. Where? its a road bike so its not really super comfy and where? I hand on heart can’t think of somewhere to go. And I know I don’t want to go there by myself.