be happy with myself

After much effort, I came to the realization that it is not myself whith whom I am unhappy, but rather my situation. Big Difference.

I wonder if there are others with this goal who in the same predicament.

Finding my sense of purpose – or really rediscovering it is key to this goal.

Having been an uber achiever (sometimes I don’t even believe the things that I have accomplished) makes this whole process even harder.

Sports Editor, Marketing Director, DJ, President of a Non-Profit, Church Elder, Staff Writer, National Sales Manager, oy.

Being in positions where I had people reporting to me, and others pointing out my accomplishments, and even when work was more about work than accolades, there was being recognized as Elite Status by the airline which made business travel a real treat, and all the stuff that goes along with it.

There were expectations put on me by the organizations in which I participated. Even if some of it was keeping up appearances, I did have a sense of purpose.

THAT is what will make me happy – a sense of purpose.

“A rich man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least.”
- Dr. Mark

(yup, another bot quote)

Maybe, just maybe, if I am able to realise that the spiritual and emotional things that I need are within my grasp I will be happy.

“All The Possibilities” (at least the Target Commercial featuring the song) was just on again. As I imagine the possibilities for the blank sheet of paper that is my life at this time, I am becoming happier every day.

My horoscope for today:

“Your confidence isn’t outsized—it’s just the right size. The outward circumstances may not match your inward vision, but that’s not important. What matters is that you know where real self-worth comes from.”

“outward circumstances” – hmmmmm I’ve been bugged a great deal about how my situation may appear, not many bragging points right now, so it’s a little refreshing to see something like this in print. Means I cannot be the only one like this!

Trapped indoors again.

So different from the outdoor lifestyle in San Diego where I could lose myself among friends, or on a walk someplace beautiful.

I’m being forced to spend time with me instead of running away from me. Let’s hope I can make this a good day for me.

More great wisdom from those random quotes.

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.”
- Robert Louis Stevenson

During this challenging time in my life I need to focus on the seeds.

This is one of those random quotes that the robots sent out…

“Money’s easy to make if it’s money you want. But with few exceptions people don’t want money. They want luxury and they want love and they want admiration.”
- John Steinbeck

I have a strong suspicion that I am not going to feel happy until I have love back in my life. A little admiration wouldn’t be so bad either…..

I wonder how many of us are unhapy with ourselves because 1) we think we’ve messed up big time 2) we’re always comparing ourselves to others or 3) we’re in the aftermath of a relationship gone wrong…..

for some reason I think a lot of our being unhappy with ourselves has to do with that last one – the relationship thing. Which makes me wonder if maybe some of us (yes I mean me) were in a relationship in large part for the affirmation that someone else can give us.

Hmmm…

There is so much wisdom in Pop music. Unfortunately, those of us of a certain age often don’t take the time to listen to the “new stuff.” I started to write my entry and Augustana started playing on the radio.

I am forcing myself to be happy with me since right now I only have me. Following my divorce I left San Diego and headed East. My community is behind me, friends, church, Toastmasters, even the baristas at Starbucks who know my usual (upside down doppio con pana). Since I work for myself, I don’t even have a group of work friends here. But I think it will be good – I have to do things BY myself FOR myself. It’s a time of a great deal of work, ON ME.

And for the lyric junkies out there, part of “Boston” by Augustana is:

“I think I’ll go to Boston… I think I’ll start a new life,
I think I’ll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I’ll get out of California, I’m tired of the weather,
I think I’ll get a lover and fly em out to Spain…
I think I’ll go to Boston, I think that I’m just tired
I think I need a new tow, to leave this all behind…
I think I need a sunrise, I’m tired of the sunset,
I hear it’s nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice…
Boston…where no one knows my name…”

(I’m pretty sure Augustana is from San Diego, I like the irony in that)