So I don’t know.
At one point I didn’t think that knowing who my biological parents were would really matter.
I spent years like that, saying shit like: I’m me and that’s all that matters.
But then, you’re in some class and someone says, I’m going to draw a picture of siblings, and you’ll be able to tell their siblings cause they’ll look alike.
And it’s weird.
And people ask you where your from, and part of you is sad in side because you don’t know where you’re ‘really’ from. or who made you.
it’s a weird thing. you haven’t any normal ground to stand on and that bothers me sometimes.
I usually try to ignore it, but it’s hard how my sibling has a mom and dad that look like her, and all i have is my imagination and loneliness on the subject.
I stopped caring as much about my parents once I found my biological great aunt and her children, I still haven’t seen photos.
It’s hard I can’t speak korean.
But I do think, that even seeing photos of my mother and father or a birth certificate, will make me feel more real.
I walk through life feeling like:
NOTHING I DO or HAS BEEN DONE TO ME HAS CONSEQUENCES. I never saw the consequences of my parent’s actions in korea, I never witnessed them missing me, etc. They just went on with their lives as did I. But’s so weird, it’s this big crucial idea that holds a person together, someone in you life will love you unconditionally.
Your parents are always your parents…. yeah, everyone always says shit to me like… don’t forget, blood is thicker than water, WELL what am I supposed to do with that?!!!!
Yeah! Buddy, I’ll just hop on a fucking plane and go visit my family in korea, you want to pay for the fare? And my 6 months of intesive korean lessons!!! jesus christ.
but then, I’m supposed to be so grateful to my white american parents FOR quote on quote “saving my life”
so between giving honor and allegience to these people I don’t know, I’m not supposed to get upset becuase these other people saved my life.
SO WHEN is there SPACE FOR ME TO BE SAD about the FACT THAT I DIDN’T Have a REAL birthday until I was 23!!!
Huh? Talk about feeling real, imagine spending most of your LIFE not know your REAL NAME, Your BIRTHDAY, or the names of your MOTHER AND FATHER.
yeah. You don’t feel real, you feel like some made up person for a plot line in someone elses life.
And it sucks.