get over things about which i shouldn't continue to be upset

he apparently thinks it’s ok to randomly stop talking to me. completely. which.. if he wants to stop talking, and said something like, “i want to stop talking,” i’d be completely ok with it, because i’m tired of this shit, and him saying something like that would be enough to make me realize that it won’t work. but he just refuses to respond to me. it sucks. and is stupid. ha.

i guess i did have a slight emotional relapse. it’s just so difficult to get past someone i’ve cared about so much for so long. and of course when he says anything remotely sweet or caring i can’t resist. but i think that now i’ll definitely be much more reserved in my attitude towards him.

also, i realized that even though he’s the only thing i talk about for this goal, it applies to a lot of other things too. i just feel that if i can control this, i can control alll the other small things easily.

and i saw “learn how to drive stick shift,” and i almost wrote an entry about how the boy that i’m crazy about said he’d teach me this summer. but then i realized, wow, i’ve mentioned him in so many of my goals already, and nothing has happened, and nothing probably ever will happen, and nothing will probably ever change. we got in a fight last thursday-ish, and for some reason after this fight, i felt so.. liberated? his attitude during this fight was so.. cold-hearted, it made me realize that this is kind of how he always is? not that we’re always fighting, at all, things are usually good between us, but when we fight, or when it comes to him expressing his feelings through action, he absolutely refuses and changes the topic, or withdraws completely. he lives a little far away, and for the past two years he hasnt made any attempt to visit me or stay with me. and now.. i think i might finally be realizing that this isn’t my fault, it’s his. he’s so unhappy and negative about so many aspects of his life, and if he can’t go out of his way a little bit to have me be an important part of his life, then there isn’t a single thing i can do about it, even though there’s no doubt in my mind about how strong my feelings for him are. i don’t want to waste my life and be unhappy just because the boy i love can’t organize himself. i’m not sure if i’m ready to check this goal off yet, in case i have some sort of emotional relapse, but i think i’m on my way.. hopefully.

has been in my life for two years. on and off. just on again. and things were going oh so well, and i thought that i wouldnt have to meet this goal, because there’s nothing to be upset about anymore.. that was before i just spent an hour crying about him. i wonder if he’s wrecking my “meet my soul mate” goal as well.

but i’ve been doing a good job of not acting on my emotions lately. which is good.

this is a huge weakness of mine. i hang on to things, but only because they mean a lot to me. i know that i should learn to accept it when things end, but i keep hoping that everything will just get better.