Help my father recover from his stroke

Went over to visit home briefly at weekend after having the week off. All the family were there, my sisters from Australia and Spain, brother from London, me and other sister. so rare family photo opportunity. Sister from Australia has now gone home after 3 weeks, lots of tears. Things appear quite calm, Mum seems good for the time being. Dad seems good, sleeping alot but happy. The carers are fantastic, such a difference. They really know what they are doing and even had him stood up on his own holding on to the sink on saturday. Its the first time in 6 months that anything has gone right. I hope it lasts out a little while. I need to resume my life somehow although | have lost all my customers (I am a reflexologist) and I had just finished training as a hypnotherapist, but as i never put it into practice straight away I have forgotten it all, so I need to start again. I also just trained to work with recovering drug addicts and alcoholics. I didn’t have the emotional strength or the time to get on with it over the past 6 months as it is pretty challenging work. I have kept on my 2 day a week job as a pa at the University that has kept me just about afloat. So I just need to get some breathing space and gather my momentum….

First news of Dads new carers sounds like a completely different kettle of fish from the private company carers. Much more mature, seem to know what they are doing, don’t have to drive miles round the county between visits and aren’t making Dad go in a hoist, although he has to go to bed at 7.30 which is a bit early. I suppose if he learns how to self transfer which is what they are working on at the hospital, he will be able to put himself to bed sometime in the future.
My sister is still there and says Dad is happy as Larry to be home.

Just heard care package back on for wednesday. I can’t say how relieved I am. its with an in house team – thank god. None of this private sector lot that keep resigning. I just hope it will be better. Had a good weekend with Dad – his 77th birthday. Took him to see the local football on saturday (of which he was due to be chairman this year but can’t now obviously) which he really enjoyed and also took him to the pub on sunday which was a huge success. Everybody coming up to him and saying how pleased they were to see him. (he cried) I think he is so relieved to be able to still be part of the community even if he can’t talk or walk. He will be well overjoyed to be out of the nursing home at last, Mum also in good spirits – hope it lasts we could do with abit of a run of better luck for a while.

So Dads care package has fallen through again and he isn’t coming home next wednesday as planned. Gawd knows when they will find us some carers. All is quite calm at the mo. My sister is over from Australia and she has been fetching Dad home everyday at about 11.00 and taking him back at either 4.30 or 7ish this has been quite easy as the weather has been good and we have wheeled him home. He has been quite happy to stay in the home with this arrangement as he doesn’t have to mix with the other inmates too much who frighten him I think as they are all very old and decrepit. but when my sis goes back next week I don’t know how we can carry on doing it unless my other sis comes home from Spain. Ah well just have to hold out for some carers theres got to be some sometime soon.

Maybe some light at the end of the tunnel. After much hassling social services now say they have a carer package for us on 7th Feb. Hopefully it will be better than the last one. Meanwhile we have to get Dad throught the experience of the nursing home. My sister has been bringing him home everyday for the afternoon. We all went yesterday and the boys watched the football with him. He isn’t too bad if we can keep him out of the home for the majority of the day, but boy does he hate it in there. At least we have discovered that we don’t have to put him in a sling to move him if there are 2 of us as he seems to be able to just about bear his weight if we hold him up.

god almighty!!! family freaking out big time. just had them all on the phone. Sister from Oz crying her eyes out. Got to find some way to help here.
got to get Dad out of the nursing home. I can’t seem to find out why there are no carers available or if there will ever be any carers available. Mum had just agreed with social worker to have 3 visits a day but not the crucial morning visit. I can’t believe they are even offering this. Mum is so desperate she accepted. How on earth is she supposed to get my dad who can hardly move cleaned up and give him a bed bath every morning its ridiculous and potentially injurous to her health. Nursing Home which is supposed to be best around is crap. they don’t even go in to Dads room to see if he is ok. same old story – not enough staff. someones raking in the profit. All the rest of the people are about 100 years old completely ga ga and look beyond giving a shit. We are going round and round in circles. I’ve tried everything I can think of. Help the aged, stroke association, MP, Head of social care in Lincs, formal complaints. Its all yielded jack shit! Back to the drawing board tomorrow. I’ll be on the phone again to see if I can find anyone to throw some light on the situation.

Mum has been given an Asbo in the nursing home and is on report for abusive behaviour!!! She went to see Dad in his isolation room and found him on the floor. She shouted at the nurse for neglegting him and not having any common sense – could’nt reach his drink, not been made comfortable etc. etc. She threatened to go to the papers. I went yesterday and they couldn’t do enough for us. They have changed their tune but you have to keep an eye on what is going on as often as possible. Dad overjoyed to see my sister from Australia – lots of tears. I’ve written to the mp about the deplorable carer situation in Lincolnshire, but still none available. One good thing though they are not using the sling to move him in the nursing home but standing him up to move. There is a physio there who says he is going to get him using a board to transfer, if this could happen that would be great as the sling is so limiting.

Dad is now out of hospital but not without lots of the usual trauma. We wanted him to stay in really until a care package could be come up with but the hospital ward has been closed due to some superbug, he was meant to be out on thursday but they lost his notes and result of his CT scan. The ward was closed on Friday ie nobody in – nobody out but they managed to get Dad out just before they closed it. He got sent back to the nursing home. the health authority then rang up the home and he now has to be kept in isolation in his room at least until wednesday. My mum is now blaming herself for having sent him to the home in the first place. My poor sister is coming from Australia today I hope she has prepared herself. It is welcome to hell here as we lurch from crisis to crisis.

Dad is back in hospital again (the first one he went into) I took him out from the nursing home and brought him home for the day on saturday. He went back for his tea and had a seizure. so back to the hospital. Poor Dad he loks so fed up, we wish we could put him out of his misery. Anyway he got over the seizure fairly quickly and seems ok.They are keeping him in to do some tests. HOpe it won’t be for too long and we can get him home again. Still no news on carers being available.

since my Mum freaked out due to the carers not turning up regularly last week Dad has been in a nursing home since monday. I went to visit him yesterday and it is pretty desperate really. He looks really sad to be there. The place is really nice and lots of staff and good food but the people are all pretty much at deaths door and dad looks really young and well next to them. He has got to get out of there as soon as possible. There is a nice chap in there who was in hospital with Dad who is looking out for him (as he can’t speak and make himself understood) Hopefully Mum is recovering herself a little, she looks abit on the verge of a nervous breakdown. We just don’t know what to do to help. Anyway the social worker says he is first on the list for a different set of carers as soon as some come available. I jsut hope it isn’t too long. On the bright side he has been back to the hospital for some physio yesterday he is going to go once a week which is no where near enough but is better than nothing. My partner and brother are going to make some alterations to the house on saturday so it will be easier to get Dad in and out.