fall in love with someone who loves me back

I’ve never been in love. and i don’t beleive anyone has ever truly loved me, some have been completely infactuated..but its not the same as love. I don’t even know what love is supposed to feel like, i’ve liked people an awful lot before..but i knew it wasn’t love. Maybe i’m holding out for something bigger than it is..maybe i’m waiting for a tsunami when its really only a tide. To me love is being with someone you care about so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Maybe kids my age arn’t even capable of being in love, maybe im just not mature enough for it. Too ready to rely on my whims and fancies to truly love someone. Will i ever really love or be loved?

wow ive always seen myself as an independant person, not depended on a Boyfriend. But as of lately, ive been so caught up in myself, moping around and feeling sorry for myself and such. I’ve actually caught myself saying, “Wow i need a boyfriend!” sigh i hope its just a phase and i’ll get over it soon.

i had love right in my hands and i screwed it up, and since it never really was a relationship i don’t think it counts