NOT see or contact him in any way/any form for 60 days

Not too much time has passed. I didn’t call him for his birthday and I think he forgot about mine. He left voice messages on my phone and they nearly derailed me. That’s why I need to delete delete delete!

49 days to go.

It was almost much easier when he lived right down the street from me. I moved halfway across the country a few months ago and have spoken to him nearly every day since (9 months nearly). Sigh. And he moved on to someone else, got her pregnant and everything. But because of his massive dysfunctions, that relationship hasn’t worked out either. But I make excuses for the contact. Oh, he’s so far away. He needs my support. He needs this. He owes me money. He’s not the solution. Talking to him, answering his calls, our back-and-forth banter which leaves me only feeling STUCK and HOPELESS is never the solution.

I have to surrender. This is the hardest thing to do. But that’s all I can do. There is no way I can move forward with my life if I continue to give even a little bit of myself to him. No more.

Well…I hate to hijack this forum. But I really need you all again. Yes, it’s the same guy. But this time, I moved away from the city we both lived in, have a new job and some distance. He’s moved onto someone else, but he keeps calling…and I keep answering. I’m tired of feeling so tired. I’m dedicating the next few months to myself…and to this goal.

90 days baby!

I’ve done this before, it’s a tried and true way to really get them out of your system. Here’s to my day 1.

So after parting for several months, I called him on our 5-month anniversary of the break-up…and since that day (Tuesday) I’ve felt like a drug addict that’s relapsed. Why are we unable to remember, truly remember, how bad the bad times really were? I just couldn’t take it anymore…and wrote him a card ending it for the millionth time…He left the card, shredded on my steps and my heart fell. I don’t want to yank him around like a rubber band. And at first I started to walk to his apartment, to calm him down. But I stopped myself, turned around, gathered up the pieces of the card and went back to my apartment…All I can offer him now is the power of prayer.

I started to be that girl again, the one that lies to her family and ducks phonecalls. I just can’t do that anymore…

When will this get easier? When can I finally mark this goal as done and accomplished? Why do I always look back? Why can’t I be okay with ultimately never speaking to or seeing him again?

No email reading. No Facebook visitin’. No talkin’. Nice feeling…

But…Is it normal to freak out every few days and think they have dropped dead or something?

So I signed up for matchmaking through an agency…I’m done with online dating and I’m looking at this as a way to just meet more people.

My ex and I exchanged a few emails today…not good. He misses me and I feel lonely…but us together is not a good combo. He said he wanted to pick me up from the airport and take me to a restaurant…AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! It just got crazy really fast. I mean, when all those days went by without him, there was a calm, a soothing nature to my days. Even just talking to him, or emailing him, that frenetic feeling, that anxiety comes back for me. And he’s still the same exact person he was when I broke up with him 4 1/2 months ago…and I’m smart enough to know he hasn’t changed…

So I called him. What a mistake it was. The slippery-slope lasted an hour – a full hour! It was everything a conversation with your ex shouldn’t be – but is – that’s why you’re supposed to stay away. sigh I’ve already talked to two of my sisters and my mom about it. They’ve given me advice…

I feel so lonely. So scared. Don’t have faith that I’ll meet someone new, because it’s so friggin’ hard. I don’t go back home for another 3 weeks…but I know I’ve made my job tougher because he will just show up at my door, unannounced…and I have nobody to blame but myself for this…

I went 68 days without talking to him…but what difference does all that time make when an hour long conversation can give him hope that we will be together again?

I can’t wait to meet someone that supports a cause outside themselves. I’ve never been with a man like me – and that’s been the problem. I can’t wait to meet a man that cares about the world, about the important issues affecting all of us.

Onto Day 6.

I’ve decided that I need more time on this goal. I’ve got to talk to him eventually (we’ve got a car loan in both our names) but now is not the time (as jetstream so kindly pointed out to me). I’m thinking of him too much in that naughty way and I’m attempting to reach out to him during a time where I’m feeling unsettled (I’m living and working abroad in a war zone for another two weeks). Here’s to another 30 days of being free of him, which will mark 5 months of our break up. Also, I intend to do these 30 days without visiting his Facebook account or email account.

So on to June 10..