I thought it would be a long long time, before this goal went off my list but Im here. Im okay with myself. Today I had the ultimate sort of horrible thing happend to me. And Im fine. I understand that criticism on x or y thing I do, is not a total reflection on my character. And that Character building is about rectifying false premises about self and about others. :)
I also understand theres a sort of emotional dissatisfaction with myself, and I should fill it with all these amazing things I am allowed to do. And do better things with my time and emotions than hate myself. Good luck guys.
I used to hate myself. But Im not so sure anymore. I think I just get stressed out at work. Which isnt really a drama. Is it?
Anyhow, I gotta work towards being more emotionally satisfied, Psychologically stimulated, More committed
I should stop drinking. I dont mean tone it down. Like stop it altogether. I was really intoxicated and broke two ribs last night. Its just not done aye. Its awful! I m in so much phsyical agony :(
im still worked up over raphael being an ass** from last weekend.. and now at work.. i figured out i have been fucking all/most of my experiments up .. i feel like giving up and jumping out the window.. or just running away.. quitting.. and my results from my specials arent out yet.. fuck im so worked up over life right now .. i couldnt explain it if i tried…
fix me. someone.
gonna go get a redbull
i cant deal with this fucking life im over it.
Omg. Im almost half way through this week.. shite.. its not even half as bad as it seems aye.. I did real well in my first exam.. although the real shark is the one coming up aye.. der is so much to learn in it.. i m going to really focus tho .. like put my best foot forward into that exam coming up aye… i got told off like twice today at work… and like it didnt really get to me.. finished work at 6:30 coz i fucked up at work AGAIN! .. instead of like gettin home at four.. but ended up going to a pub and hanging with a mate.. which was pretty mean aye.. im real glad coz of that aye… i got some grey goose vodka stuff lined up for the weekend so it should be pretty mint.. gotta study tonight and tomorrow night tho .. its gona be sooo LAME!
other than that .. my bank account is actually not over its over draft limit .. which is amazing that it isnt.. ok over n out.. i m just bitching like a little gurl now
I ve already missed two weeks coz i was sick and now I just feel awkward like ive done something wrong. Not to mention I need to get some study done.. Shyt! I slept all evening because I felt I could study better at night. hmm… anyway ill get to my first exam and ill tell you how it went.. its on tuesday. god help me
im in such a fucked up place in my life.
raph turned out to be an ass, i have to find a place to live.. i have two exams next week and i have work 8 to 6, im totally broke .. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
i feel like killing myself.
I have begun cultivating some healthy habits! Like…. Exercise! And the “endorphins” are weaving their magic!!
i think with all or any of the dissapointments in my life i have come to just accept them… i am the way i am .. and i tell myself.. oh im doing a great course.. im gonna have heaps of money one day.. i have a really hot guy intrested in me for some reason.. but i’d be lying if i didnt say i take diazepam to go to bed everynight .. and i lie to my therapist coz im afraid she’ll judge me too and i treat my problems with alochol and weed :(
things I have done recently that make myelf feel loved…
1. got my eyebrow pierced
2. bot a skateboard
3. spend more time at the beach