“I am here in the service of Happiness.”
- Louis Armstrong
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fishburger and I realize, oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner.”
- Lynda Montgomery
“People say I don’t take criticism well, but I say, what the hell do they know?”
- Groucho Marx
“From the moment I picked your book up until the moment I put it down, I could not stop laughing. Someday I hope to read it.”
- Groucho Marx
“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
- A. Whitney Brown
“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.”
- Steven Wright