Convert to Judaism

I’ve been living Jewishly but stalled in moving forward with my conversion. It’s time to pick it up. I will be “official” by the end of this year.

I’ve been feeling stalled and less motivated for a while although I have continued studying and going to events around town. I haven’t been to services as much as I should and know that stronger community ties would help but have a hard time getting going a lot of weeks. I am back on days at work so will be able to continue taking the conversion class with others, which I think will get me back on track. One step at a time!

I had an appointment with my rabbi yesterday. We talked over where I am and what I have left to do on the “official” conversion track. I’m missing out on the “Jewish Journeys II” class due to my work schedule, which is unfortunate. The first Jewish Journeys course is for anyone interested in learning about Judaism, and includes people who are curious but not interested in converting, people entering an interfaith marriage who plan to raise Jewish children, people exploring conversion and even some born-Jews who never had much Jewish education and want to learn more as adults. JJ II is specifically for people converting and deals with specific conversion issues, so I’m a little bummed out to miss out on going through with a cohort of like-minded folks. The main required work of the 2nd level class is to read 3 books about areas of Judaism you want to learn more about and write book reports.

I have two of the three: The Way into the Varieties of Jewishness (for my interest in finding out more specifically about Reform Judaism and its history and philosophy as compared to the other streams, along with an admittedly dry book of Reform Judaism’s official documents) and Jewish Living: A Guide to Contemporary Reform Practice by Mark Washofsky (for my interest in finding meaningful spiritual practice within Reform). My third interest is in Israel and I think I’m going to need two books—a good history of the state from founding to mid 1990s, and an objective book about what has gone on more recently. I’m interested both in the Palestinian issue and in internal social issues of Isreael. I just want to know more about it. Right now the historical survey looks like it’s going to be Howard Sachar’s history, which is an enormous tome but I can’t seem to find anything briefer that covers what I want in enough detail. But I’m a good reader so that’s okay. I’m still open to recommendations on this topic though.

Anyway my rabbi said assuming I get my books done, I should be ready to complete my conversion by sometime this summer, so my new goal is to be officially Jewish by the next High Holidays.

Also, I was completely touched and thrilled that one of the synagogue members invited me to her first night Pesach seder this year. I have been hoping for such an invite because I still feel a ways off from doing my own Seder but I hadn’t really put myself out there at this point. And the synagogue is hosting a second-night Seder this year, which I plan to attend so hopefully I get both the family and the group experience. I’m so excited!

I’ve felt a bit stalled on this because I’ve kept reading and studying and praying on my own but haven’t been able to go to services or Torah study due to my schedule. But my schedule changed again and I went to the Torah study and Saturday AM service for the first time in ages yesterday. It was great!

Keep working toward my conversion…I’ve completed the intro class and it will soon be time to start the second class that is just for people going forward with conversion (the intro class is also for people just generally interested in learning about Judaism).

I want to really do a deeper and more meaningful celebration of the holidays this year. It’s hard because the rest of my family isn’t Jewish and while my partner is willing to go along with me, it’s hard to take the lead when I’m not really sure what to do myself yet! I am thinking about asking the rabbi to match me up with a more observant family from the synagogue who would be willing to let me join in with their holiday celebrations and learn some of the foods, customs etc from them, especially for things like Purim and Passover. In return they would get an extra pair of hands for the cooking and clean up and the childcare (if there are kids). Think it could fly?

I need to move on this soon so I have something in place for Passover. I feel like I missed out on Passover last year with no seder. Not this year!

One of my mental stumbling blocks in my conversion process has been telling my parents. My parents are Catholic, very much so, and quite conservative. The last big life news I had to give them, that I was gay, went very badly and they took it as a personal rejection of them and their values. Things are better in that area but still not good. After 11 years, I think they’ve accepted that my partner isn’t going anywhere but they still can’t bring themselves to be welcoming of her or acknowledging of our relationship.

So I really didn’t want another scene where my telling them something important about me became all about them and my deliberate rejection of their values. So I haven’t said anything at all.

I talked to my mom on the phone the other day, just before yom kippur, and in the course of the conversation, our Jewish relatives came up. I think I’ve mentioned that my great grandfather, my mom’s grandfather, was Jewish by birth although his family was non-practicing. He converted to Catholicism after marrying my great-grandmother (although not for several years afterwards; he didn’t convert in order to marry). Apparently his sisters, my great aunts, didn’t speak to him for a while over the whole thing.

My great grandfather died when I was less than 6 months old so I never knew him, although I’ve always felt close to him in a way, since my Mom always told me how crazy he was about me as a little baby, and I identified with his smarts—he was a pharmacist, a great reader, and a pretty darn good hobbyist painter.

I did get to know his sisters, my great aunts, and also always felt pretty close to them. The only Jewish event that I remember was my Aunt Rose’s funeral. I was in 9th grade so I really couldn’t follow what was going on—my main memory is of my father wearing a kippah and how odd that looked. My other aunts didn’t have funerals when they died, by their own specifications.

My mom tells me that they were not religious at all and never had been. Gussie (my great grandfather) wasn’t bar mitzvahed or anything. Still I would have liked to have been able to talk to them as an adult about their experiences as Jewish Americans, even if only ethnically.

Anyway in the course of the conversation with my mom I said I had always wanted them to talk more about their background and that I’d been fascinated from a young age with Judaism. And my mom casually said “Well, maybe there’s something to reincarnation.” I boggled, because one of the things the rabbi said to me was that it’s uncanny how many prospective converts turn out to have a relative in their past who converted away from Judaism, and that maybe there’s something to thenotion of a Jewish soul that “wants to come home.”

So I made a snap decision and told my mom that it was amazing that she said that, and told her that I’d been studying and beginning to practice Judaism for the last year or so, and told her what the rabbi said about “jewish souls.” And she was pretty positive about it! She said that she knew I had left the Catholic church behind and was just glad that I was “something” because it’s not good to be nothing. And I told her a little about what I was liking so much about Judaism and she seemed to react pretty positively about it.

I also told her not to tell my dad unless she thought he could handle it; if it would only upset him he didn’t really need to know, and she agreed. He tends to take things a lot worse than my mom, and he’s not the one with Jewish relatives (and he always thought my aunts were kind of weird) so there’s less of a sympathetic tendency there.

But after all my angst, being able to tell my mom almost on the spur of the moment, and have it go well, it was like a High Holidays gift from God. And I was going to into Yom Kippur feeling uncomfortable about this sort of “lie of omission” that had been going on, and it lifted that right off my mind. I feel blessed.

After a cancellation last time, I finally had an appointment with the rabbi today. He went over the conversion process with me (I am in the middle of the introductory Judaism class—I have to finish it in the fall, and then go on to a sort of “seminar level” class of just people who are working actively on conversion), spend at least a year “living Jewishly” going through a full cycle of the holidays, then there is the beit dein (sort of a interview/oral exam) and immersion in the mikvah. No circumcision since I’m female!

I’m excited and feeling pretty positive that this is the right place for me. The rabbi suggested that I also meet with the local Reconstructionist rabbi since I’m interested in some of the more traditional ritual (which Reconstructionism embraces more than Reform does, although changes some of the Hebrew wording in prayers etc) and also since the local Recon. congregation originated as a gay/lesbian synagogue(though it has expanded beyond that). I think it’s a good idea, although I like this synagogue a lot too.

Do people go to more than one synagogue for different things? For example, I like the Torah study and the Havurah service on Saturday morning but the more old school Reform services don’t do much for me. And there’s a lot of griping, apparently, about the expansion of Hebrew in the services at the Reform synagogue (and the new prayer book coming in the Fall adds even more, from what I’ve heard) but I LIKE Hebrew and find more meaning in the more traditional prayer service than some of the Reform prayers.

But there is much I like a LOT about Reform and about this synagogue so far. I like the people, I like Reform Judaism’s larger world view and the emphasis on ethics and social justice and being more involved in the world.

I probably will attend services some at the Reconstructionist synagogue and meet with the Rabbi there too (if nothing else, as a gay rabbi he will definitely have some insights for me, I’m sure).

I have been attending Torah study and the morning services as much as possible, although I had to miss the last two weeks and really missed it last week. The first week was a necessary break because of my night shift work. Some days I only get 3-4 hours of sleep for a variety of reasons, and there always seems to be a catch-up day where I do NOTHING but sleep and get caught up on several days’ shortage, and the week before last was one of those. This week I’d looked forward to going but ended up finishing up at work too late because of a late call (we get off at 8 and Torah study starts at 9, so I usually just change my clothes and go to get there on time). This week I’m definitely going!

to discuss conversion with a rabbi at the Reform synagogue I’ve been attending—unfortunately it’s not until after Pesach so I have to wait a couple of weeks.

Also I found out that while many Reform synagogues don’t require a mikvah (immersion in a ritual bath) for conversion, at least one of the rabbis at this synagogue does. Eek! While I love the symbolism of the mikvah, the actuality (naked! In front of people!) freaks me out a little. At least I don’t have to be circumcised or have the ritual “drop of blood” pseudo-circumcision. Baruch Hashem for making me according to his will, indeed!

I went to Torah study and Saturday service at a big Reform synagogue in Atlanta last weekend and liked it more than I thought i would, in fact I like that synagogue quite a lot. I spoke to one of the rabbis and he suggested that I join the Jewish Journeys course that was currently going on for prospective converts and for people just interested in learning more about Judaism. So I went to the class last night and enjoyed it as well. I love learning about all this stuff, and I love saying Jewish prayers and learning Torah and all of it!

I’m not sure if I’ll ultimately end up in the Reform or Reconstructionist synagogue but for right now I will keep going to this REform synagogue and taking the class.

While I was in Key West I was able to attend the local synagogue’s Saturday morning service. It was wonderful. They are officially conservative but very welcoming of everyone since they are the only synagogue on the island. They have everything from gay couples to a frum family homeschooling their kids. They had just adopted a fabulous transliterated siddur with English translation/Hebrew/transliteration which made it much easier to keep up with what was going on and even participate some. People were very friendly and welcoming to me and I was upfront that I am not Jewish but someone interested in converting. It was a 2 1/2 hour service but the time really flew by. I loved it!

Next step: find a synagogue/rabbi to work with here at home.