engage in conversation

With the help of various professionals I’m finding this alot easier to do with people I know or have known in the past. Now I must start making progress with people I meet and others I don’t know that well. I just have to make an effort to concentrate on what they are saying and find some common ground if possible.

So I realised something the other day in somewhat of a huge light bulb moment. More of a lighting store moment infact, if they turned on all their displays at once and passers by were blinded by the brightness and clarity coming from within. I realised one of the reasons I find it really difficult to talk is that most of the time I’m just not interested. I don’t care in the least what they have to say. This is because I still gravitate towards the same sort of people I have always hung around with. The point is alot of time has passed and I have changed alot. That part I knew but silly me didn’t make the connection with the people I relate to. I no longer have much in common with old friends (except a small few) so why would I have much in common with new people like my old friends. I need to be a bit more outgoing and get to know some new ‘types’. I have a funny feeling it will actually be easier.
On another note, a near stranger said I was somewhat outgoing the other day. Wow!

Had dinner the other night with a new friend and one other I’d not met before. For the first time in a VERY long time I felt fully comftorable the entire night! It actually felt NORMAL. I conversed. No awkward silences and it wasn’t just because the other two were holding up the conversation. I did it! I understand that this was a single instance and I still have a long way to go, espicially in larger groups. For the moment though, I know where my strengths lie so I at least have something to build on.

Moving to a new town and simply not knowing anyone has forced me to make a bit more effort than I normally would. It’s still hard and some people are easier to talk to than others but progress is being made. I’m fine if someone else initiates conversation so the aim now is to take the next step and start things myself.

Caught up with a few friends recently with mixed results. Much easier with close friends as they do most of the talking but around others was much harder. Spent most of NYE sitting silently with a friend. Although it didn’t feel awkard it normally does in such situations. Just have to get the guts up to ask about anything.

Had dinner with my father tonight. Normally I just zone out and concentrate on the tv while everyone else chats but I had a bit of small talk with my father before everyone else arrived. Was a bit harder after that and at one point I didn’t realise they were talking to me. When everyone left again got into deeper conversation with my father and realised what makes me close up. I don’t know what to say when people are looking for my help/support/answers. I know anything will help and just because I say it doesn’t mean they’ll take it personally or as the only solution. Only got me thinking about how I could fix things instead of getting the ideas out in the open.

I’m very shy and would prefer to sit in a corner watching everyone. Has left me socially awkward, even around family. I tend to watch tv at family get togethers. I feel as though people don’t get to know much about me and form incorrect opinions.