pray more

I’m failing at this goal.
I’d like to improve my relationship with God, but I don’t know how I can do that when I’m begining to doubt the entire relationship in itself.
I don’t necesarily doubt that God exists. Of course I have my hesitations, especailly since the majority of my friends are devout athiests. However, there has always been this thing that’s kept me from doubting God’s existance entirely, and to me…that IS God.
So, yes. I’d like to pray, but I find it hard becuase I don’t know what to say anymore.
And now I have all of these leadership positions in this lovely Christian Youth retreat organization thing. I feel like I should be closer to God and more full of prayer before diving head-first into this role.
sigh I’ll keep trying.

sometimes i feel like i am so busy that i have run out of time to spend with god. and that makes me unbelievably sad. i am really faithful and i go to church every sunday, but they say that the most important part of believing is to spend time alone with god. one on one. and i don’t think i do that enough. what i really need is to try to set out just a few minutes of each day. why is that so hard for me?