say what i mean and mean what i say

Poor guy made a joke at my expense last night, and I just wasn’t in the mood for it. Normally, I’d suck it up and get sassy right back. So the poor man was stunned when I said, “Baby, did you ever consider that you should evaluate the mood I’m in BEFORE you poke fun at me? That hurt my feelings.”

I didn’t mean to make him feel bad, but it felt really good to be able to say what I meant without it being anything more or less than what it was.

Last night, my daughters were playing in the baby’s room. I had JUST cleaned the house, and I reminded them that they could play in there, but they needed to respect the hard work I’d done by keeping the room neat. I warned them that any messes they made, THEY would have to clean up.

Needless to say, when I checked on them ten minutes later, it looked like a hurricane had gone through. They’d emptied the baby’s hamper, pulled books off the bookshelf, and strewn toys all over the floor. It was like they’d gone in there JUST TO MAKE A MESS.

Normally, I’d get upset with them, try to explain to them how I was feeling, and beg them to help. And when they wouldn’t, I’d get even more upset and clean it myself.

Instead, I told them very calmly that they had not listened to what I said, and they needed to clean it right now. At first, they didn’t, so I stood over them and instructed them, one step at a time, on what to do.

When they were done, I pointed out how quickly it had come together because they’d WORKED together. It was a great opportunity to point out how hard it is for one person to maintain the house, but how little work it is when we’re a team. They even voluntarily helped clean the kitchen after that.

Are we off to a new start?

I’m tired of wrestling with when to keep my mouth shut.

On one hand, I feel like life IS compromise, and I’d better get used to it or I’m gonna be miserable.

On the other hand, I’m miserable.

I resent my husband and older children because they don’t take me seriously when I share my needs with them or ask for their help. It’s like it’s a big joke to them…

Me: “Could you pick up your socks, darling husband?”

Him: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

And those are the scenarios I’d PREFER.

Me: “I really need a date. I feel like I’ve been kind of unnoticed lately, and it’s important to me that we catch up.”

Him: “Okay.”

Three days later, when he comes home on date night and wants to go rock-climbing and he’s forgotten to call the babysitter like he said he would, I’m so hurt that I don’t have words for it.

I’m tired of being a pushover. I’m tired of censoring things that might be difficult for others to hear. I’m tired of being non-confrontational, or worse, confronting the wrong things. I’m tired of being the least important person in the house. It’s not that I want to be the MOST important…I just want people to take me seriously.

Here’s the goal…for the next six months, I’m going to try not only to say what I mean, but to back my words up with the appropriate action. With my husband, with the kids.

Here’s hoping my marriage survives…