only eat when I'm hungry

I’m still doing really well at this, to my surprise. I’ve been very disciplined and even when I am feeling jealous at all the nice things other people are eating, if I’m not hungry then it isn’t going in my mouth.

Yesterday, because I ate a donut (it was free!) about an hour before lunch I wasn’t hungry so I went out for a long walk instead of eating, then had a small snack in the afternoon.

I’ve stocked my locker at work up with things like baby carrots, small tins of tuna, rice crackers, dates, canned fruit and a snickers bar so that if I just want a snack/light lunch instead of a big hot lunch I’ve got stuff right there and I don’t have to think about what sort of level of hunger I am at and where I’m going to go. I’ve also got chewing gum for when I feel like chewing but am not hungry.

I’m starting to re-train my brain a little into thinking of food as fuel rather than food as pleasure. Well, rather that food can be pleasurable but that I don’t have to eat what I crave every time I crave it.

This has been one of my top three successes since last week. It’s very hard for me to do but I have been really disciplined, especially on week days. Now I just have to keep it up and work on what I eat when I do eat.

I was feeling hungry Saturday and ate a burrito for lunch and lots of pasta and bread for dinner so yesterday I wasn’t hungry all day and only had a piece of toast. Then we went out in the evening and I ate a huge portion of cheesy, sour-creamy, quacamoley nachos which I only had because they were on offer. I paid for it this morning mind!

Anyway, I’ll forget that one little failure – onwards!

Most of the time I don’t eat because I am hungry. I don’t eat because I am tired or emotional. I eat because I like the taste of food and because I feel like if I don’t eat my three meals a day then I am missing out on something that will be enjoyable for me and therefore I feel cheated. It’s as if I believe constantly that I might die tomorrow and if I do I’ll really regret not giving in to my urge to eat something nice. But I know I won’t regret anything if I die because I’ll be dead and will not be having that particular conversation with myself.

I never used to be that bothered about food and I didn’t eat all that much through my teens, but when I got interested in cooking and creating all these great flavours I suddenly found myself a food addict and piling on the pounds (I admit the introduction to beer and cider didn’t help either).

Chips and fries and cake and chocolate never really appeal but when it comes to, for example, pasta and pesto and sun dried tomatoes and pistachios and curry and burritos and cheese and sushi…if it’s available and it’s a mealtime, I have to have it.

I’ve got to stop this nonsense and start taking control of myself!