stop being a doormat

Turned down two more gig requests this week—I’m already booked to capacity until January. The funny thing is, I don’t feel guilty at all. Hey, I’m defending my right to peace and sanity.

Woo-hoo! I think I’ve got this licked!

...and while I always hate to take that step, it really improved the quality of the rehearsal afterwards.

It went a little something like this. I was accompanying my student teacher, who was conducting rehearsal. Despite being behind the piano, I could see a few guys fooling around, so I gave them a verbal warning. A few minutes later, they warranted a second warning—this time I could isolate 2 guys at the center of it. The third time, I quietly got up out of my seat on the piano bench, walked up to the two ringleaders, and said softly: “I want you to know that next time I will ask you to leave. I am done asking you to change your behavior.”

Sure enough, one of the two was foolish enough to start it up again virtually as soon as I sat down. I took a look at him and said, “X, I think it’s time for you to leave the classroom for today.” He replied, “No, really, I’m okay. I’ll be good. I’m not leaving” I said, “No, you need to leave. I’ll call Mrs. Thomas to come up here and get you if you don’t want to walk down to her.” I turned and went to my office and placed the call. When I came back, he had left, and the rest of the rehearsal went swimmingly. Mrs. Thomas reported that he had, in fact, gone down to the time-out room and stayed there for the balance of the period.

Now he and I have to have a little chat before the next rehearsal begins tomorrow….

when you are no longer a doormat? I think I’m making great progress on this one, but I don’t quite know when to mark it as “done”.

Basically, I’m a people pleaser. Don’t know if it’s because I’m the oldest child, because I’m preoccupied with what others think about me, or because I’m nuts, but I have always tried to be accommodating to others, as much as possible.

The unfortunate consequence of this has been that I have frequently wound up being taken advantage of…especially when it comes to doing unpleasant things that no one else seems to do.

Thus, I’m having to learn to draw boundaries, and to say no. Two recent successes:

1. I turned down the opportunity to teach summer voice lessons for my district, because I did it last year and it created too much havoc with my other summer projects, which I enjoyed more.
2. Turned down an offer to audition for a musical—good project, but the wrong time in my life.