get a divorce

The divorce was final on 12-27. I feel like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! I am so glad I went through with this! It was really hard at times, but I know ultimately it was the right thing to do.

I’m still waiting on the judge to sign the final decree. I so hope she will do it before the end of the year.

I attended my stupid parenting class on Saturday. I called my attorney to let him know I’d gone. I should be divorced by Friday. I am most looking forward to going and getting a new driver’s license made!

gave my deposition yesterday- going to my parenting class tomorrow- this bs should be complete by the end of the year! yay!

I am feeling stronger. I am going through with this, no matter what. We signed the property settlement on Tuesday, and everything should be completed within the next couple of weeks. I began changing my name back on my various accounts yesterday. My real moment will be when I can go get a new driver’s license with my “original” name on it! I can’t wait for that!

I waivered in my resolve to go through with this last week. My son is having an incredibly difficult time of it all, and the guilt I’m feeling is unbearable at times. I have been seriously considering just going back and staying married. I would be making a martyr of myself for my child. I would be sacrificing myself for him. Everybody I talk to tells me that I’ve got to do what’s best for me, and that my kid will get over it- that he will adjust. Well, these people don’t have to look into his eyes and tell him, “sorry,I can’t go back to your dad even if it’s killing you. I have to think about what’s best for me.” It makes me feel like a total selfish bitch to put him through this.

I knew I had to take a parenting class as part of the divorce, but I didn’t realize my son had to go to a class, too. I am not very happy about it. What if I don’t like what they tell him? What if they make him worry more? What if the class only makes him more upset. I know the point of the classes are to make everyone try to get along for the sake of the kid and for the kid to know it’s not his/her fault, but honestly, do they really think attending a 2 hour class one time is going to change someone’s thinking?

I moved out on my own today. I am so scared I can hardly even think about it. I have moments when I feel happy about it, but I feel like I have lead in my stomach most of the time. I suppose most of the time people in my situation have a hard time knowing if they are doing the right thing. I only know I am doing the scary thing.

My attorney drafted the petition today and I signed it. The husband picked his up at the attorney’s office, so he didn’t have to be served, which saved me 40 bucks. We drafted a property settlement agreement. Attorney is supposed to send me a copy in the mail. I am so scared, but I am moving forward.

I have my first appointment with an attorney tomorrow. Oh, god, here we go…