find the right one

I don’t think I’ve cried enough. I’m just so sad about every thing to do with him. I texted him last night. I had a one-sided conversation with him. He tried texting back but I wouldn’t listen to him. I was a total b*. H deserved it after the way he treated me. I wasn’t even all that mean just rambling to distract my mind from the pain I was in. You see I had a migraine from hell last night. I lost feeling in half my body and I was afraid that if I fell asleep or started convulsing I wouldn’t wake up. I needed someone and no one could be bothered with me. So I had a one-sided conversation with the one person who wants nothing to do with me. I effectively pushed him away. The funny thing is I want him so close to me. Even now I’m not sure if I want to hit him or hug him. He probably just thinks I’m crazy and has removed me from his life completely now. Maybe I deserve being alone. Happiness has never really been my friend. Maybe he has forgotten that I was his friend to begin with. He treats me like an exgirlfriend but we never were. I think I should apologise for last night, but he should already know that I ramble when I’m in pain. This is so messed up!

Yesterday was St. Catherine’s Day. The day that you pray to St. Catherine to help you find the right one. Man, I was praying hard yesterday.

Everyone I know is treating me and one of my very close guy friends like we are dating. As far as I am aware we are not dating, just friends, but I keep getting comments and the like. It is sweet but it has me on uneven ground almost constantly.