be more assertive

I had a tough week at work. A change in the client managing the project I’m working on resulted in the client crapping all over me. I felt really rough, but mostly that I’d missed an opportunity to stand up for myself.

And then yesterday I had a frank conversation with her and told her what I’d been churning in my mind. And what do you know….she apologised and has become an advocate of the work we’ve done.

I feel more in control for having said my bit and insisting on being heard. I stood up for myslef and my work and ackowledged the good things I’ve done. That’s a new behaviour. Well done to me!

In the past I have been a real pushover. BUt this week it was different. Yesterday I was VERY firm with people who wanted to rip me off. I usually run away from confrontation but not now. I did some serious negotiating over some things at the market. I can’t believe how low I got the price. And it was all me. Calm, collected, not rude but friendly and respectful. Just really assertive.

I have had the realisation that I am assertive but that I’m just not exercising my assertiveness. This changes today!

I’ve just realised that I tend to get in to a win-lose mindset, which really has me running scared from confrontation. I don’t want that anymore.I want to be i my authority and to have real discussions with people untinged by fear. This is the most important shift I’m lokoing for in my life.I don’t quite know how right now, but I’m going to do this. My life depends on it.

Something happened today and I lost it. I completely blew my top. And I don’t mind that much. While I have swung to far towards aggression it felt good to just not allow myself to be trod upon. And I’m refusing to just accept the apology that’s been offered. I don’t believe it and I’m not going to say that it’s okay. It’s not and I’m going to be clear about what I will and will not accept.

I am reading a book this week about assertiveness. In the book the writer talks about rights that we must recognize in order to be assertive.:I have the right to:
#1. State my own needs & set my own priorities as a person independant of any roles that I may assume in my life
#2. Be treated with respect as an intelligent, capable and equal human being
#3. Express my feelings
#4. Express my opinions and values
#5.Say “yes” or 2no2 for myself
#6. Make mistakes
#7. Change my mind
#8. Say that I don’t understand
#9. Ask for what I want
#10. decline responsiblity for other people’s problems
#11. deal with others without being dependant on them for approval

That gives me loads to think about. I’ve felt the power of these already. I’ve been asking the questions I usually sit on and have been working on my boundaries. I don’t know that that makes me any more successful at work, but I certainly feel better about myself.

I am not assertive. I have tended to be passive aggressive, but have recently become quite aggressive at work. I believe that I am very frustrated and haven’t been able to constructively express this emotion. As a result it’s expressing itself in ways I haven’t been controlling or expecting.

It's simply not the person I want to be. And with me soon looking for work in Amsterdam I don't want to be in a situation where I'm doubting myself because of this.

I’ve bought a book about this and have signed up for a course that I hope will help me with this. I’m going to work on this for the next few months so that I can be proud of myself and have the best opportunity to be excellent at the work I do.