Overcome my fear of escalators

I was in a stupid situation today. I had to go to a shop that was on the first floor (or second floor for those who count the ground floor as the first one …), meaning I used the elevator (lift) to get there because the moving stairs scared me so much … So far so good. BUT it all changed when I wanted to go downstairs again …

I saw that the part where the button is that you have to press was covered with something that someone had to open using keys, so that you could press the button. I then stood infront of a decision : Either I had to call someone to open that thing with a key, or I had to go downstairs using the moving stairs … Which was a horrible thing for me even in my own mind …

However, guess what I did :D. I used the moving stairs. Luckily, I wasn’t forced to get on the escalator quickly. There was nobody standing behind me. At first it was horrible, but when it went down it became more and more okay for me. At first I really was about to cry, but then I was rather relaxed.

I really should work more on my goal to do so. This is the first time after two years that I got on an escalator going down, I think … I want to be able to give tips to you guys on how to do it without panicking.

But we will be able to reach this goal … I am really sure about this!!

Since I was in Duesseldorf yesterday to celebrate “Japan Day” there, I had to use escalators from time to time. I must admit I was too scared to use the ones going down, but I overcame my fear of escalators going upstairs. Okay, okay, I asked my mum and my sister to stand behind me, and on the first one, I started to panic when we reached half of the height, but … I somehow managed it in the end.

I actually tried to fulfil the message in my dream; it was rather easy. Standing sidewards is really a good start for it, and I cannot wait to do more escalator training soon. As long as I frequently use them, everything is okay with me.

I am still scared of those going down, especially when they are very fast. I only know of one having a moderate speed here in Aachen, but besides that, I only know the “escalators of horror” :( ...

Anyways, I am proud of myself for taking the first step. Now I just have to take the next ones …

Last night I had a dream. It was of myself facing my fear, and getting over it. I think that I turned sidewards and then kept standing there.

I cannot believe I still have to live with it, but most of them are just way to fast for me. Plus, the anxiety of falling downstairs is still there.

My mum sometimes asks me whether I want to do some “escalator training”, but I always say no. When I am at home again afterwards, I always think “Why didn’t you just try it?! Maybe it would have worked …”.

Anyways, maybe standing sidewards would help, even though I have no idea how to do that. I also asked myself whether it would be a good idea to sit down on the escalator, but this would be hard if you want to get over that thing at the end, wouldn’t it? Plus, it would look totally stupid …

This is something really important, even if you don’t believe me. I have had this phobia for almost four years now. It all started with me almost falling down an escalator which went downstairs; afterwards I immediately ran to the elevator and afterwards refused to use escalators as often as I could. Last year, I almost got over this anxiety; but then, the above happened to me again …

The result was that I only used an escalator when I really had to (e. g. when I was in Berlin the last time, there was a mall with no elevator at all). Ever since I have only used normal stairs or elevators.

Whenever I am close to using an escalator (esp. the ones going downstairs), my heart starts beating really fast, I start sweating, shaking, my hands start itching. It’s really not funny anymore …

I want to get rid of this phobia. It’s good that I found out that I am not alone, and if there were some people who actually care about helping me, I’d be more than happy to help them, too :). I think I will do some “training” from 1 January on. There are just too many situations where it’s better to not use elevators or the like, and I don’t want this phobia to ruin my entire life.