stop sleeping so much

I think my energy level is getting better because I’m unable to sleep every time I want to take a nap. I don’t know if this is good or bad because my mind races. Once recently, before going out, I tried to take a disco-nap, but ended up doing a really solid and calming meditation. This might be the best way to transition into not napping after 5:00 pm or like all day on weekends.

Well, my job has definitely kept my sleeping schedule on a normal track…or at least more normal than it was before. I actually have a night now and again where I sleep a full 8 hours through! A bit more of this and I think I’ll be happy with where I am.

My new Rx seems to be working! I only woke up once last night, and it wasn’t until 5 am! If I have to take a nap today, I will shoot for only 45 mins.

So, I’m stopping the Lunesta (despite the new, flashy commercials, I don’t recommend it) and trying another Rx so I can sleep through the night. More importantly, my therapist and I had a very thorough talk about how I’m actually thinking about overcoming this issue. I’ve been either beating myself up about it or reminding myself to not beat myself up about it. I’ve been equating my tendancy to sleep with alcohol or drug addiction, and I’ve been encouraged to think about it differently. My therapist suggested that abstinence (from napping) isn’t the best solution and that “harm reduction” is perhaps a better way for me to move forward.

Perhaps with my new mattress (!) I will sleep more soundly and won’t be so tired during the day. The flip side of course is that I have even more trouble getting out of bed because it’s so damn comfortable. We shall see.

that this will happen naturally. I will make a concerted effort this weekend to be active and alive.

So, my doctor told me to double my dose. It works as in I can get right to sleep and I sleep very well, but I’m still waking up with the urge to eat and smoke.

Well, the Lunesta didn’t seem to do anything last night. I fell asleep, but woke up my usual two times. I could so easily go back to sleep now.
I wrote in my journal (in a moment of inspiration): “I don’t have to justify what I want and need with saying something is ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ I can let myself be who I am.” It’s not wrong to nap. This change might take longer than just a week. I don’t have to be perfect and change literally overnight. I’m going to do my best to trust God that God will help me with this.

So there it is.

I can’t do this. I’m taking sleep-meds tonight for the first time, so we’ll see if I can actually sleep through the night and not have to nap tomorrow. But FUCK it’s so hard. I LOVE napping. It’s sucking my life away.

Although I woke up and ate and smoked last night, I went to bed at 11 and woke up at 7. I feel rested right now, but could SO EASILY go back to bed. I will resist the urge until at least after the museum. I can do it until then. (This is so eerily like giving up an addiction…I guess sleep really has become my replacement for drugs and alcohol).