see you again

I want to go home,see the one I loved for several years.But I have no brave,the one now I am is so ugly and hopeless,I don’t know when I can go back to let everyone see:that girl is really wonderful.
I don’t know how to change myself,I don’t know how to deal with the life.Sometimes I hope I can become old in one miunite,then,die.So tried.
I will never give up,though I can’t find a way….