figure out what i want to do with my life

I have borrowed a book from the library that seems very promising: “What colour is your parachute” by Richard Bollen. It’s apparently a classic job hunter’s book, and so far I really like it because it offers techniques to find out what you really want out of life. Let’s see how it goes, I’ll settle down with it now to do some more soul searching…

I think overall, this is the most important thing for me right now.
So far I have been bumbling along for the ride and it’s time I make some choices rather than agreeing to well-meant ideas because they sound sensible.

This week is volunteering week at uni!
This time I know much better what I want, and I will make more of it. There henceforth, my goals for this week are:

• Find a placement opportunity for around 3-4 months
• in Latin-America or Africa (Spanish, French or English-speaking)
• centered around health topics (e.g. HIV)
• where I would actually be able to contribute (and not only be a
  curious burden on their community)
• Find out about financing opportunities from the EU etc.

This topic has become more important for me than ever.
Come October I will have postgrad degrees in Epidemiology as well as Health Psychology and I know deep inside that I want to help with international development and public health. I have been wanting to do this for years and years and I have been working very hard to get qualifications that apply to that field.

But I can also be a bit of a coward…
My partner is very adamant about staying local to where we live at the moment and working in international development would probably mean moving, or at least travelling, and even with that he is less than luke-warm. You can get very cosy in your security and the things you know. But even with all that, there is always that bugging something that tells me I should get going already with the things that I REALLY want out of life.

This is so difficult… I want to follow that path, but then sometimes I don’t even see it clearly – I just know its something something health, something something international development, something something to use my language skills, something something that will bring me into contact with other cultures and where I can make an impact and help with the knowledge and skills I have acquired (and with REAL LIFE skills I will gain once I am actually doing it!). Oh yeah, and then I do need to live as well, so I can’t get paid in bananas :S

It’s all a bit daunting at the moment, I sort of see where I would like to be, but it’s so far away I don’t see it clearly and I am not sure how to best get there. It feels like I have to make some really difficult choices, also regarding my boyfriend… ;( The worst thing that could happen is if I pulled myself out of this process now and just burried this desire – and settled down with the silent feeling that I had failed my purpose.

I really hope I can sort this out soon and any ideas will be greatly appreciated.