Stop being depressed

i have not been spending days laying in bed crying, for weeks now…

i find myself smiling, and even laughing ~ and frequently. :)

i can look at the sky… at the trees and flowers and glittering frost… and finally feel Alive again.

i saw the sun shining through the trees this morning and i realized… i am alive. this is what Life is. this is what it’s all about. playing, living, laughing, and sharing your Soul ~ your Self ~ with friends who matter.

:)

pax

(first bit x-posted to my LJ)

i didn’t even think about how much i was accomplishing tonight until it hit me just a moment ago, that i’ve been dealing with a puking toddler and still washed the laundry, got the paperwork to the office that needed to be sent, picked up my new pain meds, washed all the dishes, made the dough for the chocolate crackle cookies, have turkey soup cooking on the stove (from a real whole turkey o.O ), and have been getting ready to mop the floor (a seemingly gargantuan task, since there are sooo many tiny toys all over that need to be picked up).... and i had been going about it all, and getting it all done, and then it hit me wow i haven’t freaked out or lost my temper or laid down and just been lethargic and felt overwhelmed… although i laid down with Lyssi it was infused with a completely different feeling ~ the feeling of “oh i want my baby to feel better” rather than “oh my God i can’t deal with life, i need to just lay here until i rot…”

(no as far as i can tell she doesn’t have stomach bug ~ it just seems like she has way too much mucous; every time she gets a head cold she gets really pukey. blegh! gross but true. she has a very… efficient… gag reflex.)

and… so i’ve been planning on vaccuuming and mopping and then chopping all the veg to cook tomorrow so i can get the base for the pot pie in the fridge for saturday (instead of doing it all tomorrow or even worse Saturday morning!) and i just wanted to pop on and congratulate myself. WOW i’m really doing better, and it didn’t even hit me until a few minutes ago.

and now that the floor is mopped and vaccuumed and shiny-bright, and the rug is laid back out, and all the dishes are washed and the turkey soup is almost ready to be taken off the stove and put away (“feeding my freezer”)..... i feel really, really good about myself.

so even though i still feel that sort of niggling behind my heart that is Depression, that sort of weird chewing from that mean little langolier in my soul, it’s far less then it has been lately.

i’m … doing better.

and i think i’m going to keep doing better. :)

(( thanks everyone who has encouraged me these past few weeks / months and stood by me through all these hard times! ))

xoxo

... i forced myself to get up and wash all the dishes, and then i took out all the garbage, and replaced all the lightbulbs and cleaned the light covers (those glass things, “finials”? not sure what they’re called) in my dining room and kitchen…. and afterward i felt so much better. this morning i can still feel that depression haze but at the same time… i’m getting things done, which helps.

... ok! laying in bed doesn’t help…..