get my black belt

I earned my black belt this summer!

It was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done, but it was worth every bit of the blood, sweat, and tears I poured into it (and I did bleed!) Hundreds of hours of class time, four months of intense preparation, and a three hour test later… I did it.

It was surreal to walk out on the floor of the dojang as a black belt for the first time. I felt like a kid playing dress-up for a moment! It’s the same, but different… I feel different. I feel like the leader I am.

Now I am learning a new kata, and looking forward to continuing my training. I am a martial artist. I am a black belt.

(Hooray!)

I went with my instructor to a martial arts seminar yesterday. It’s the sixth year I’ve gone, and I learn more every year. Aikido, Jiu-Jitsu, Shotokan Karate, Kung Fu, Chang-Han Tae Kwon Do and other styles all coming together to share. It is an interesting and humbling day. Interesting because everything is new, and there are many differences and similarities to discover. Humbling because it is like being a white belt again.

I wonder what the summer will bring for me? Do I test or do I not? It is humbling to see so many masters of so many styles. Many of them took over a decade to reach black belt in their style. Some of them look down on Tae Kwon Do’ists because our style usually promotes much faster. Even so, my school takes longer than most. In some, students get their belts after three years, and I am well on my way to my sixth.

It is hard not to feel inexperienced around masters who have been studying the arts for decades.

I know you can’t simply set styles side by side and compare like that, but it is hard not to. I want no one to doubt that I have truly earned my rank. That is impossible however, there will always be someone who doesn’t respect you. I suppose the most important thing is for me to know I deserve my black belt.

We had a TKD testing at the dojang on Saturday and I had to sit on the panel and judge students. Once you reach high red (and above) you are expected to grade other lower rank students when they test. This isn’t the first time I have sat on the panel, but it has been a long time. I have to say, it is one of the toughest things to do there. It is difficult to watch a student and catch every nuance of what they are doing, and then put everything together to come up with an accurate score. You have to be critical, and write down comments about everything they are tested on. It really takes a lot out of you! I dislike doing it, but I am willing to take responsibility. It really helps me realize how far I have come.

I can actually sit there, and really know what is going on, and know what each student is doing. I can see the good things, and the bad things. I have learned so very, very much in the past five years. My instructor was very happy with how I graded, and he thought I was fair and handled it well.

People were really excited to see me judging on the panel. Everyone is asking me if I will go for black this summer. My peers seem to think I am ready, and they sincerely want to see me test. I don’t understand why everyone is so eager! I mean, I know I am a good student. I am a leader at the school, I enjoy teaching and I get along with everyone. I am also very meticulous about my personal progress, but I am very critical of myself. I have a hard time looking past my weak spots.

I know I am about as ready as anyone who has gone for black at my school, but I can’t help but have reservations. There is a little niggling voice in the back of my head that says I should wait. In some styles people wait a decade before they test for black, who am I to go after five years! A lot of people take longer than that at my school as well.

I’m all wishy washy about it, and I need to make up my mind. Good thing I have a little while to decide.

There wouldn’t be anyone at my school who wouldn’t support me and want to see me go. So why am I holding back?

So I am going on a strict workout plan, I want to get super in shape for summer. No more slackin’! I am already very fit, but I want to make sure I am as ready as I can be if I am going to go for it. Plus I need to work on my rusty areas. I’ll get a lot of work on everything I need if I start a pre-test, but I want to feel sharp going into it. That way it will be less removal of rust, and more fine tuning.

I am so OCD, once I set my mind to something I have to do it as close to perfect as possible. Basically my biggest hurdle will be myself. I am going to be positive and focus on turning weaknesses into strengths, instead of being negative.

I’m really excited, I haven’t officially decided yet but I think I am going to do it. I’m used to working my butt off, and this is a worthwhile goal.

I think I’ll roll the idea around a little more, and work on a few things in the meantime. Once I set my mind to something, there is no turning back!

I went into class last night and had a chat with my instructor. He approached me and wanted to know what my feelings were about testing for my black belt this summer. I was kind of expecting this because he has been hinting at it, but it still caught me a little by surprise. Most of the students who go for black at our studio have been studying a few years longer than I have, but I have put in a lot of hours since I started.

When I began, I used to attend twelve hours of TKD classes a week (four nights per week for three hours). That lasted two years. When I started college my attendance dropped to half that during the semesters, but in the summer I resumed going full time again. In a nut shell, I have gone to a lot of classes.

It is up to me to decide whether to try and test this summer or not. If I want to, I will begin my pre-test in the beginning of May and have a late August exam (if I pass the pre-test). A pre- test this summer means that on top of my full-time job, I will be expected to attend a lot of TKD classes to prepare. It will be a big committment. I am glad I have the rest of the spring to think about it.

If I miss my window this summer it will be another year or two before I have an opportunity because of my schedule. He is very confident in my abilities, but the most important part is my confidence.

It has been absolute bliss to be back in class!

Ok, so not absolute. I did have to flake off a little rust. There is nothing quite like the day after a good hard workout. Note to self: next time wait a day or two before attempting the splits. I’m very flexible, but I can sure feel it when I over reach myself on the first day back in two weeks. I feel fine the day of, but steps are killer the next morning. After three weeks of getting some good solid time in though, I feel a lot better.

I had so much fun Thursday night! I got through all my kata, and I worked on some advanced self-defense with my boyfriend. I love working with him, he has been a student under his father for 13 years and he knows quite a lot. He is a great teacher, and he is just the right size to be challenging but a good match for me. We spent a while on the mats doing throws and take-downs, and we did a round-robin with his brother too so we could all practice together. I think throwing and being thrown are two very challenging things to become good at. It is very difficult to learn how to fall. No one likes falling down, so naturally your body resists. It takes a lot of concentration to retrain your instincts to allow yourself to fall or be thrown. You have to learn how to take and redirect the energy so you can come out unharmed. Resistance can lead to being hurt.

It is easier for me to practice throwing with someone I trust.

I am very excited for Christmas break, I can’t wait to spend more time on my martial arts. My Tae Kwon Do time has kind of been taken over by studying lately, and I am so ready for a change! It is so nice to get out, be active, and forget academics for a while.

Wow. Went to class tonight… and man, am I going to feel it tomorrow. I. Am. Tired.

I spent an hour teaching a learning disabled child tonight, which took a lot out of me mentally. He is a handful! His mother lets him get away with all kinds of nonsense at home because of his disability. She pretty much lets him do what he wants, and she is bringing him to martial arts classes to get a little help on discipline. I feel bad for the kid, I really do. He has it rough, but the last thing he needed from me was sympathy, he gets enough of that from mom. So! I was under strict orders to teach this stubborn child to behave tonight. He battled me every step of the way, and I don’t think he liked me very much, but after all was said and done I think I did my best to help him.

Its a really great feeling when you know you did something to help someone in a way no one else can. At the start of the class, he wouldn’t even say “Yes Mam” to me. He was being intentionally clumsy, acting like he hurt himself by stretching, wasn’t trying, and was all around disrespectful. By the end of the hour, I had him behaving. It is amazing what a threat of push ups can do, when compassion has no effect. (Believe me, I’ve tried that route with him, and the only thing that works is showing him who is the boss. Give an inch, he takes a mile.) My instructor was really pleased with me for getting the kid to try so hard. My voice was totally hoarse by the end of the class! I’m really happy to help though, I just hope his mother takes a few lessons.

After that, I led some students through 45 minutes of kata. By that point I was starting to feel like a drill instructor, but it is good experience for me and I got through a lot of forms. Then we did sparring, and my instructor put me with a kid who thought he could hit me and not have me hit back. Yeah, right. Doesn’t work that way. If you want to play rough, make room for two. After he figured out he couldn’t push me around, he suddenly didn’t want to fight anymore. Its so annoying when guys think they can mess with me just because they are bigger. Yes you are bigger. Yes you are stronger. But I am fast, and I have spent 5 years learning how to not hit like a girl. Nuff’ said.

Really. This kid should know better too. I have known him since I started, and he is a few years younger than me but I have passed him in rank. He suddenly grew a foot taller than me, and gained 50 pounds, I take two weeks off of class and all of a sudden he thinks he can mess with me. Boys.

Anyways, we also did flying kicks, tumbling, one-stepping, and more kata. For a break between classes we did 30 push ups, 100 punches, and 100 leg raises.

We did a lot of stuff tonight, but I feel very content about it. I always feel pretty good after I work out. But! I am so glad to be showered and ready for bed now. I think I am going to sleep. I love MA.

I wish I could be in two places at once! I skipped MA last week because of exams, which means I will be rusty tomorrow night. Can’t wait to go to class though, I get kind of anxious when I can’t be there. Its tougher for me to make it to classes during the semester because my dojang is 50 minutes from school, but I wouldn’t give it up for anything. It helps me work off my tension, nothing like a friendly sparring match and a few kata to take your mind off of things!

Also, it would be difficult to get away with skipping for any length of time because my instructor is also the father of my boyfriend. After 5 years of classes, and 3 years of being invited to the instructors family Christmas its a little hard to skip out. :)

I have 5 years in, and I’m working for my black belt. It’s been tough doing MA and college, but so worth it. I’ve watched a lot of people quit, but I’d like to make it to my black belt and beyond!