get married, stay married, and live happily ever after

Marriage is still wonderful, and I am still loving it.

I couldn’t have asked for a more awesome roommate if I tried (and I’ve had eight so I know what I’m talking about!) Not that we never argue, or have our minor irritations – but it’s just so great to live with him.

I know it sounds hokey, but I can’t imagine being without him anymore. And I wouldn’t want to. You can think it’s just because we’re newlyweds if that makes more sense to you – but I’m just happy.

Everything else going on in my life is pretty stressful right now, so I am sincerely happy to have my marriage off to a great start.

What is with that question? How are you even supposed to answer that!

I had no idea I was in for the Spanish Inquisition when I returned from my honeymoon… and now that I’m getting the question I’m not sure what to answer. Now, I don’t mean that in a “cue the suspense music: here come the troubled waters!” kind of way, I just don’t know what people expect from this question.

Great? A lot like before the big day? We’re getting used to it? An enthusiastic, “We love it!”?

There just isn’t a good answer for this.

But if I had to answer it honestly (and not just throw something out there to satiate the masses), I would say…

It’s all of the things I mentioned.

I love coming home every evening and seeing my best friend. It’s better than anything to see him every night, and every morning. I love that part and I feel beyond lucky to get so much more time together. I used to go to sleep every night thinking about him, and I still do… but now I don’t have to miss him! ;)

But… I like to leave things out where I use them, and he likes to put everything put away. I want to spend more time hanging out at the apartment every weekend, and he would rather visit our families the whole time. I want/he wants… etc. Honestly? Most of the stuff we’re adjusting to in our new living situation just isn’t that hard to deal with. After knowing each other for so long, we pretty much knew what to expect and we are making decisions together and adjusting really well. Even better than I expected!

There really haven’t been too many surprises, so in a way it’s a lot like before… only more awesome and more challenging!

So how is married life?

I’ll keep you posted, lol.

In 29 days I will be a Mrs!

After May 24th this goal will really start for us. It is hard to believe that we are finally about to be married…

I can’t think of anyone I’d rather spend the rest of my days with.

Two great quotes:

Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. (Simone Signoret)

&

It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis. (Margaret Bonnano)

I am a few small steps closer to this goal, although it will take a lifetime to achieve it. I am so excited! We just had our four year anniversary of being together, and our wedding is in 8 months.

Both of our parent’s celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary this summer, which is amazing! We have the best role-models we could ever hope to have right here with us. Seeing the love that these two couples still share is inspiring. I have grown up watching my parents, and I have learned a lot from their example. I have seen them in hard times, and good times. I’ve seen how they come together when things get tough, and always find a way to come out stronger.

It is amazing how much work they have put into growing together. I think that is the most important thing I’ve learned from my parents when it comes to relationships. So many couples grow apart as time goes on. They change, and they leave their other half behind. People aren’t constant and they don’t stay the same. The differences can drive a couple apart. The key is to change and grow as one, as two halves of a whole. You have to really work to keep the common ground of love, family, and togetherness.

If my fiance and I can do even close to how well our parent’s have done, we have a bright future ahead of us. I already think we are doing well. We have never ‘broken up’, and we work hard to keep the lines of communication open. I don’t think there has been a day we haven’t spoken, or a weekend we haven’t seen eachother in the last three years. I really love this man, and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. Every loving, irritating, charming, stubborn bit of him. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Just thought I’d post a quick update on the coworker I talked about before. You know, the one who refused to share her engagement until forced.

Her fiance dumped her. Apparently he felt she couldn’t be trusted, gave no reasons for why, and started dating another girl right away. Hmmm… and she was the one who couldn’t be trusted?

I have to say, I feel bad for the poor girl. I really do. I wish it wouldn’t have happened, but a little part of me is thinking ‘I told you so’. I kind of felt like something was rotten in Denmark from the beginning. What a cruel heartbreak, I hope she wises up a little from this however. I think a part of her must have known, why else would she have kept the news so quiet. At least she found out what kind of person he was before it was too late.

I hope she finds the one she is really meant to be with someday, and takes her time making sure.

I found out yesterday that the coworker I share my cubicle with is engaged. It was a little odd how it came about however, and her reaction puzzled me:

A friend of mine came in to chat and noticed a ring on the girls finger. My coworker shushed her and proceeded to whisper in her ear. At that point I knew something was up, so on a whim I asked her if she was engaged. Surprisingly she said yes, and was very upset that we had found out!

She has been engaged for two weeks, and had been hiding her hand from all of us so no one would notice. She was downright embarrassed and annoyed to be discovered. Annoyed! She banned us from telling anyone else. To say the least I was shocked.

First of all I hadn’t really expected her to be engaged. She hardly talks about her bf, and they have only been dating 6 months (and she is 19). The last thing I expected was an engagement.

Let me tell you, the moment I get engaged the world will know. I know everyone isn’t like that, but shouldn’t you at least be excited when people congratulate you? I don’t understand it. Just puzzling.

love of my life — 1 day ago

okay so I’m 17 years of ageand I’m engaged, notthe problem. It’s amazing. I love my fiance very much and he loves me more than anything. He is the best. But over this year and 3 months something has come over me. Joking with him and being happy in myself has changed. i don’t know why but all I do is fight with him all the time. And it’s pushing him to the limit and I’m afraid to lose him. He means everything to me. I don’t know what has come ovr me so therefore I don’t know how to stopit. i need advice. I don’t wanna be like this anymore. I just to seem to get annoyed or something by certain things he’ll joke about. And it’s hard because he has always been the joking type, he’s so light-hearted. He loves to have fun and be positive and I’m ruining that for him. I don’t wanna be like this nomore. help me…

Response:

I feel like after you have been dating awhile, many people hit a point like this. The honeymoon is over, so to speak. I don’t mean that the love has gone by any means, but the infatuation phase where you could do no wrong in each others eyes has ended. The little things that he said and did used to be cute, but now they bother you. Maybe because they mean more when he says and does them after years together, than they did at first.

My boyfriend likes to joke and tease as well, and when we first started dating I thought it was the greatest thing. Nothing he said bothered me. As I began to fall more and more in love with him, I found that the things he said to me meant more and more. Sometimes he would say something as a joke, and I would take it seriously because he was so important to me. It is hard to explain, but the longer you are together the more you expect him to know how you feel and what you think without telling him. That isn’t always the case though. You may know each other well, and be passionately in love, but he isn’t psychic and neither are you. It is easy to fall into the pattern of thinking, “I can’t believe he just said/did that, he knows I think that is annoying.” Well, maybe he doesn’t! We are all human, we aren’t on our guard every minute. Things will bother each of you.

I have been dating my bf for 3 1/2 years, and we are soon to be engaged so I am speaking from experience. I kind of felt like all we did was fight over stuff after awhile, and that a lot of it was my fault because I took everything so literally. I realized I had to do some things different, because neither of us were happy about it. The first thing: don’t blame yourself all the time. Yeah, it may be you who flips out over some little thing this time… but it takes two people in a relationship. You both need to do things differently if you want to get along. That means you both have to make an effort. Start with the things you are doing, and work from there.

I came up with some rules for myself to help us understand and get along with each other better.

First- if something bothers me that my bf is doing, I tell my bf what it is and why I feel the way I do. He isn’t psychic, he won’t know why I am pissed if I don’t explain it. If something he said got to you, work out why and try to come up with a solution. You are a team.

Second- Pick your battles. Yeah it may piss me off, but is it going to ruin the whole night if I take it to heart and get crabby? Maybe it isn’t worth it. Save it for the bigger stuff. An hour later it may not even bother you because you are over it and having fun again, instead of stewing and picking. This is one of the hardest things to do, but self control will take you a long way toward peace and happiness.

Third- Give and take compliments gracefully. We got into a lot of fights because I would always contradict him when he used to tell me I was pretty, or my hair looked nice, or that my legs were sexy. No one likes to be told they are wrong, especially when they are just trying to say something nice. They love you, they think you are beautiful, and it is an insult to tell them they are wrong. They are with you for a reason, believe them. Just say thank you, and leave it at that. This is hard too, I had to bite my tongue a lot. But trust me! After a while it gets easier, and you even start to believe them when they say things to you!

Fourth- Acknowledge hard work. If you can see he is making a real effort, tell him so.

My bf and I don’t always get along, but following my rules has made things a lot easier. In the end, I am a lot happier when I let go of the little things (and so is he) than I am satisfied when I make a point and win an argument. Let me know how it goes for you!

I am getting closer to this goal: my boyfriend and I just picked out an engagement ring! I am so excited, and I can’t wait until he proposes. I don’t think it will be until summer, but I know the time will fly. The last three years have gone by so quickly I can hardly believe it.

I am such a lucky girl!