fall in love with someone who will love me back

just found out my ex is seeing someone else.
i felt like i was over it. why do i care so much.
im starting to think about him all over again. i hate being alone while he is with someone. it seems like all men are unavailable. hate feeling like this

arhhhhhhhhhhhhh
why am i always thinking about this?? why why why?
im sick of it.
my last relationship was a year and a half ago and it was with someone from overseas.
i have never really had a boyfriend at home before, so i wonder if guys are the same here as they are overseas.
i freak out thinking that although i am born here i dont fit in here. but when i go there i dont seem to fit in there either. ! arhh
im worried if a guy really got to know me he would soon become bored.

i now feel inexperienced also and i worry this will effect future relationships as a guy wont want to be with someone who doesnt even know what they are doing. in other words sometimes i feel like i should have let myself go more in the past so that when i really do met that person i dont stuff it up

why do i go out and the person i actually like…. i dont go for?> why do i kiss his friend instead?

thinking it will make him want me more when really he prob just thinks im a slut,

and now i have really ruined my chances.

why cant i just find one person who actually likes me? one person who might attempt to try to love me.

and now i will never see him again anyway

i question if this will ever happen. all guys seem to want these days is just up in the air relationships and if there is a good guy around, he is usually with the sweetest girl that i could never be.

ive always loved this person and could see myself falling in love with them if i allowed myself to. truth is this person will never love me