make close friends

While this goal may never be “complete” or checked off my list, I am happy to say that I do have friends. I have a support system around me who value me for what I offer. I am thankful for the relationships I have created, and to all future ones to come.

I’ve been totally anti-social since the new year started, but I’m finally going out tonight. My job is totally killing my spirit and leaves me feeling more lonely than ever. I feel bad for not reaching out to, or returning calls from my friends, but I keep putting it off anyways. When I’m home, I’m ok being by myself, but I am so tired of being by myself at work. Some of it is the environment I work in, but I notice I’ve been kind of bitchy and short with the people I usually talk to. I guess it’s really only one person, but still, he probably just thinks I’m a jerk. Perhaps I can pull myself out of this and start creating a social life.

As much as I hate social network sites like myspace and facebook, I just found one of my old music school friends and am happy to have connect with that part of my life again. I don’t know if we’ll stay in touch, but at least I made the effort and put myself out there.

I’m going to the movies with a friend tonight. The friend count is still kind of low, but I’m working on it. It’s gonna be hard to go out tonight because we’re not going until 10pm, and I have to be up for work at 6am, but if you want something, some sacrifices must be made. My sacrifice is sleep.

I’m working on it. I went to my friend’s work BBQ this last weekend and socialized with a bunch of total strangers. I’m not sure what kind of impression I made, but I did it and that’s what I am going for. It was actually a lot of fun and I met some nice people. It’s been cool having at least one friend that I hang out with. We hung out quite a bit last week, and he was my first house guest on the day I got my new apartment keys. The only kicker though, he told me (not directed so obviously at me) that guys and girls can’t be platonic friends. We’ll see though.

It’s time I make this happen. I have some friends now and I know it’s up to me to keep them in my life. It is so easy for me to just let people and relationships go like they were never there. Now that I will be living alone, I will need these friends to keep me in the loop of life and to not go into depression. I have met some really great people through my roommates and I hope that we can all still hang out even though we will be living father apart.

I suck at this. I’ve been working on putting myself in places and situations for this to be more of a focus, but I’m not getting anywhere with it. Perhaps this is just who I am. At least I enjoy my own company and am not afraid to go places solo.

Making friends is so hard for me. I have the perfect environment for it, but I just don’t have the commitment. My biggest challenge with friends is greeting them. I always feel so awkward. I’m not someone to walk into a room filled with people (even if I know everyone there) and say hi. I don’t say bye either. I am programmed to come and go without announcement. Is that rude? I feel rude sometimes.

For some reason I never call the people in my life friends. You are either my co-worker, roommate, singer, guitar player, sister, or any other name, but friend. I think I might do this to keep myself believing that I don’t have any friends. Well, now I have someone in my life that doesn’t fit into any category but friend. It’s weird. Good weird.
Here’s to friends, and here’s to more in 2008.