Love without fear

After 2 years of not even coming to this site… I finally found a way to get past my fear of love. I found love within myself! I met someone recently and I gave him my whole heart. I let go of all of the hurt and all of the pain from previous relationships including hurt from family, friends, my ex-husband and all of the men who didn’t deserve the love I had to give to begin with. The man I am with is the true love of my life and I would have never had the chance to love him or feel the love that he has shown me had I not let go of my past. This is how I learned to love without fear!!!

I tried to love without fear!!! Gave a new guy my heart… what did he do?!!! He stomped on it!!! The pain of being hurt by love is the worst pain anyone can possibly go thru!!! That’s why I say… Forget loving without fear!!! My goal is to allow myself to love again!!!

I wrote him a long letter… as he is now encarcerated for something that he had no control over (a so called friend ran from the police and crashed the car they were in and left him pinned in it and pointed the finger at him… now he is facing a year in prison)... I have been to every visit and have been nothing but nice to him!!! He and I have talked about getting back together… but starting from scratch… friends all over again and working up to where we were in our 10 year relationship!!! I am afraid that this is just an excuse to let me down easy… but at the same time he tells me how much he appreciates the love I show him and how much he can see that I have changed for the better!!! I look at him and I can see in his eyes the same love they used to show when we were so deep and seriously in love… before I got scared and ran away from him!!! His smile tells a story each time I appear to him on the other side of the bullet proof glass… while the sound of his voice weakens each time we say good bye!!! Perhaps it isn’t the love part of it that I fear the most… it is being in love with him… with his history that I fear!!! I do know that regardless of his past and what seems to be his present… I can’t seem to find in anyone else what I have found in him!!! So maybe I’ll just take this chance and worry about the fear part of it later!!! Maybe I am crazy for this decision… who knows!!! I sure don’t!!!

He is the man that I met when I was seventeen… He is the man that I fell in love with and loved for 10 years…. He is the man that lived with me for over a year and I was afraid once we finally moved in together and I walked out on him… his life was destroyed when I left and now I’m realizing that being afraid to stay and acting on my fear…. made me lose the best thing that has ever happened to me!!!! I want to run to him… look into his sexy brown eyes and tell him that I love him and am still in love with him…. but how can I?! How can I get the nerve up to tell him that I want him back when I am afraid to give him me, wholly and unconditionally!!! To love without fear is sooo complicated!!! He is such a beautiful creature… so cool masculine and sexy… intelligent yet he has this extreme street about him that drives me crazy!!! How do I get past this fear that I have, to be the woman that I want to be for him… and for me? Does anyone have any suggestions?

How do you love again after a failed love?!! Can someone tell me because I can’t get over the hurt of a past love… AND I WANT TO LOVE AND BE IN LOVE AGAIN!!!